The Ultimate Guide to Bottoming

To learn more about what it means to be a bottom, check out this guide by Them contributor Evelyn Bauer.

How should I prepare for bottoming?

Preparing for anal sex can feel intimidating if it’s your first time. Like all sex, your preparation should start with a self check-in with some questions like: Am I feeling up for sex right now? Do I want to bottom? Have I communicated my boundaries to my partner? Do I feel pressured? When was the last time myself and my partner got tested for STIs?

Sex should always feel fun and comfortable, so these questions can help you figure out if you’re in the right headspace. If you feel emotionally and mentally prepared to bottom, you can focus on how to physically prepare.

How do I douche?

Douching is a common way people prep before they dive into some bottom-friendly fun. Cleaning your butt before sex can help you avoid messes during your hook up. Not everyone douches every time, and some people don't douche at all; it’s all up to you and your partner’s comfort levels.

Douching means flushing the inside of your rectum with water to get rid of any leftover particles. Normally, this involves using a special shower attachment, a douche bulb, or a drugstore kit that comes with a long nozzle and saline solution. If you’re in a pinch, you can also use a water bottle to clean the area.

Cleaning up before anal sex can be tricky without the right tools. Luckily, there's one method that works wherever fine bottled water is sold.

There are many different ways to douche before anal sex, and looking up tips and tricks before you start is always helpful. Be sure to go to the bathroom beforehand to clear the area as much as possible. Use lube before inserting the nozzle or bulb to make the process more comfortable. And flush the area with room temperature water, as cold water can cause extra cramping and hot water can burn you.

While it’s okay to douche occasionally, flushing your rectum daily can actually get rid of the healthy and necessary bacteria your body needs to digest food and absorb nutrients. It’s important to also note that though douching can help reduce messes, all bodies have bodily functions. Accidents can happen and there isn’t any shame in that.

If you don't have a dedicated douche tool like a bulb, you can use something as basic as a water bottle. For more on that, check out this guide by Them contributor Matt Baume.

How do I bottom?

In part two of Bottoming 101 for queer men, we explain the practicalities of preparing for anal sex, and answer the oft-asked question: Does it hurt?

In terms of sex itself, taking things slow can help you ease into things. Apply a little lube to your butt before you put anything inside. Insert your partner’s penis, a sex toy, or a finger slowly, and gradually build up intensity. A few common positions you can try include doggy style, missionary, and cowboy or rider style.