Mum is "trapped" in France
My Father retired to France at 63 years of age (around 9-10 years ago) with his partner. They kept a small flat in the UK and bought a project in France to renovate - however my father's cognitive impairment became too much for his partner, and she returned to the UK a few years ago. They do not speak and won't have any further contact. I realised some time after that the flat in the UK was in her name, and the French house in his. We have no other family as my Mother died recently.
His condition has worsened dramatically in the last 3 months, and he cannot live alone and can no longer look after himself. I am in France currently to bring him home to stay with me - however it is evident from a few weeks here looking after him that I cannot do this long term. My mental health is extremely poor at the best of times, and all of this is too much for me - he needs more care than I can provide for more than a few weeks and he will need full time care. I will do my best in the short term when we return to Scotland - but this isn't a long term solution for either of us as he is violent and aggressive a lot of the time, and often does not remember who I am. After a few weeks I feel totally broken by the whole situation, and I cannot do it for long.
He has around £24,000 in savings, which is under the Scottish threshold for funding (he and I are both from Glasgow and I still live there) - however he does own his French house which I'm aware will be counted when it comes to funding. It has fallen into disrepair and is quite literally falling apart over the last 2 years since I visited (several trips were cancelled due to Covid), and I expect it to be impossible to sell even if we can somehow clear out all of his things which will take months, so I don't feel this is a viable option when it comes to funding care. It will be worth very little, if anything at all - but I realise it will surely be over the threshold for funding just for the land alone.
I don't have power of attorney - until the last few months my Father could have agreed to this and was still quite independent, and I thought we had more time but his recent regression makes this impossible.
In a similar vein to the OP's post - if I simply cannot cope and cannot look after both of us, could I take him to a hospital and ask that they admit him, and try to navigate the system from there? I want to get him into a care home as soon as we possibly can as I feel this is very urgent, but I'm aware this still may take time. Between the two of us we can maybe fund 8-10 months care without any kind of financial help, but the money will run out after this. His income is his UK state pension, plus three other small private pensions from his UK employment, totalling around £1000 a month. He has a National Insurance number, and paid NI in the UK for all his working life, he has never worked in France.
Additionally, if he does not agree to go into a care home, does anyone know what would happen then? Can social services and myself insist on this if I cannot look after him, or is there another option available?
I understand there may be a tendency to reply and point out things I should have done sooner - and believe me, no-one regrets this more than me. I should have got Power of Attorney sooner, I should have brought him back from France sooner, but I didn't realise how bad things were and I can't change that now. As for France, it isn't viable for him to stay here as he has no support network, his friends have abandoned him due to his aggression - and I'm not leaving him in a French care home or hospital where he has no family or friends and can't speak a word of the language.
I have spoken to my GP and e-mailed my MP for advice, the GP was helpful and signed me off work for a period and I have to make another appointment when I return to the UK. I have not heard back from my MP.
I will call CAB and Age UK when I return to Scotland, but I can't contact them from here. However, any advice before that would be greatly appreciated as I am at my wit's end.
Many thanks.
