How to thrive in chaos
We stepped off of the luxury coach onto a crudely made sidewalk bordered by a hand-dug gutter teeming with brown water and refuse. All around us, children played in the street, dodging the garbage trucks that roared past every few minutes, trash spilling off the backs and floating into the overflowing ditches. And yet, everywhere we looked, we also saw “micro businesses” — people selling fruit and vegetables, tortillas, t-shirts. Making ends meet however they could in La Carpio, this 50-year-old Costa Rican refugee camp of 25,000 residents.
As part of a graduate studies course in the Pepperdine Master of Science in Organization Development program, we were there to refine our observational skills and see a side of life that wasn’t in the Fodor’s guidebook. We were learning about chaos and complex systems, getting an education like none of us had ever experienced before.
I immediately started seeing problems everywhere: How to clean up the garbage in the streets? How to make sure that the children were safe? How to stop the garbage trucks from going through the middle of the camp? My mind wanted easy answers, so I jumped to trying to solve them. All without once engaging in a conversation with a single person who lived in La Carpio.
This happens in everyday life, too. We see a problem and we jump to solutions. We are already in motion before the meeting is over. We really haven’t listened or engaged in broadening our understanding of all of the complexities at play. And chaos, which can threaten to overwhelm us, is what we most try to tamp down.
So many of the issues in our teams and organizations simply are not simple; there are no easy answers or ready-made solutions. The question is, what’s the right response when we’re facing complexity and chaos? What do we do?
You can thrive in chaos. When your life seems out of control, it’s easy to get sucked into a vortex of anxiety, depression, and a general feeling of paralysis. When life gets crazy, rely on a few simple practices that will allow you move beyond just surviving and help you to start to thrive in chaos and uncertainty.
The Situations Forcing Me To Thrive in Chaos
I am in the midst of an enormous life transition. In the last few weeks, my husband quit his job, we moved from Germany to the United States, and we are now living in a spare bedroom in my mom’s house. To say that my life is chaotic is an understatement.
Although my life could veer out of control, given the circumstances, and in the past I might have let that happen, I have worked too hard at maintaining my mental health to let myself fall into that old trap. Instead, I am learning how to thrive in chaos.
How You Will Thrive in Chaos
In order to move beyond survival mode and start thriving in chaos, you have to make a conscious effort to do what will help you bounce back from difficulty and be your best self. I suggest that you build social capital, invest your emotional energy wisely, and make healthy choices if you want to thrive through the chaos.
Use Your Social Support System
According to science, staying connected to others when your life is reeling out of control is important, because it’s helpful. Research shows that social connections serve as buffers to stress, reducing its negative effects such as depression and anxiety. These same connections also enhance positive psychological states such as a sense of purpose and self-worth. Building social capital can help you weather a chaotic time and keep you buoyed.
Invest Your Emotional Energy Wisely
When life feels chaotic, don’t give in to the chaos. Channel your energy into positive and productive activities that will nurture and support you. Exercise. Go outside. Tackle a small project that’s been on your to-do list. Refocus your energy on constructive actions that will boost your mood.
Make Healthy Choices
Make healthier choices; don’t numb feelings of being overwhelmed. Pouring a glass of wine, bingeing on food, or withdrawing from the world will not help you (Isolation: A Double-Edged Sword for the Mentally Ill). They will hinder your progress as these kinds of choices tend to exacerbate negative feelings rather than alleviate them. Be conscious of your emotional state and make a healthy choice to take care of yourself.
Don’t Just Survive Chaos, Thrive in Chaos
Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
These words are especially true when you are facing chaos. You can’t always change the circumstances you’re in, but you can change how you respond and react to them. Build social capital, invest your emotional energy wisely, and make healthy choices. By doing so, you can navigate the chaos and actually thrive.
Reference
APA Reference
Morin, S. (2016, July 12). How to Thrive in Chaos and Uncertainty, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, December 13 from
Author: Silke Morin
Silke Morin is a scientist, educator, and writer in Austin, Texas. Striving to live a contemplative life, marked by kindness, compassion, and joy, Silke is the author of mymusinglife.com. Find Silke on Twitter, Google+, and Twitter.
It would be helpful to give more concrete simple suggestions. I have no social connections at this this of Covid-19, I feel anxious walking by myself, I feel stuck in starting any project.
In reply to It would be helpful to give… by Anonymous (not verified)
Hi Lynda – I’m sorry to hear you feel alone right now. You mentioned feeling anxious walking alone. Would you consider taking a short 5-minute walk, staying very close to home? Just getting outside for some fresh air is so good for the body and mind. Also, maybe consider starting a very small project. Think about what you enjoy and how you can turn that into a hobby. Could you grab a puzzle to do? What about writing in a journal?
Hope these help!
Best,
Kelli
I have a confession.
My kitchen countertop is chaos right now.
There are 12 different coloring sheets in various stages of scribbles, a thumb piano, water bottles, empty jars of jam, washcloths, bag clips, computers, magazines, notebooks, crayons, and more.
How do you think I feel about it?
Well, when I’m not paying attention to my thinking I feel overwhelmed. Looking under the surface it’s because I’m cherishing a very unhelpful thought.
That thought is, “My life is chaos.”
That is the root of the feeling of overwhelm.
Think about it: a countertop with things on it doesn’t have to cause a feeling of overwhelm or a conclusion that my life is chaos.
I can think whatever the hell I want to about my counter.
In fact, a more helpful thought is that “My life is rich.”
And it’s true. The countertop reveals all kinds of things that I’m beyond grateful for: my kids are happy and learning, we have plenty to eat and drink, our emotional and intellectual lives are rich, we have music and creativity in abundance.
Same countertop, but now I’m feeling amazing.
How radical is it that a countertop with items on it (or whatever it is that you think makes you feel overwhelmed) doesn’t have to result in unhelpful emotions and reactions?
The impact is profound, especially with how often those reactions leak out into your relationships. How present are you with your partner when you’re agitated or upset about something? How much would change in your life if you had a more helpful response to the things that used to bother you?
What I hope you can see from all of this is that you are NOT at the mercy of your circumstances. You get to choose how you feel about EVERYTHING in your life.
What that means is you get to create your own universe.
In fact, you already are, with the thoughts you’re choosing to think about your life.
Ask yourself, are these thoughts serving you?
If not, you can change them. And if you want help with this, join me and Erin in the upcoming 8-week Revitalize Your Relationship course. This is just one of the many topics we’ll be exploring in more depth.
Constant and dramatic changes are becoming a regular thing in the business world, and many people don’t know how to respond or cope with this kind of chaos. It causes a lot of stress when you think about how the chaos continues to grow exponentially. Just coping with things isn’t a long term strategy, though. You have to understand how to thrive in chaos or it’s going to drag you down and be a detriment to your career. Dennis Brouwer, interviewed by John Golden, explores how to thrive in chaos.
This expert sales interview explores:
- The importance of embracing the chaos
- How to take one step at a time
- Learning how to respond, not react
How to Embrace Chaos
Embracing chaos instead of running away from chaos involves changing the mindset that you have about it. When that “fight or flight” drive takes over, we have to be able to recognize that it’s our body responding to stress.
Take a One Step at a Time Approach
When things get stressful, there are people who will step up, but there are many people who will shut down. As a leader, it’s crucial to have a fresh awareness of the most important things or tasks at hand at any given moment.
Reactive vs. Responsive
Living in the chaos means reacting, and not responding. The goal is to be responsive, which implies a level of thoughtfulness that reactiveness doesn’t. You can be hyper-responsive and very quick to make decisions, but still utilize the mindfulness and logical mindset that are required to respond to the situation, instead of just reacting to it.
Our Host
John is the Amazon bestselling author of Winning the Battle for Sales: Lessons on Closing Every Deal from the World’s Greatest Military Victories and Social Upheaval: How to Win at Social Selling. A globally acknowledged Sales & Marketing thought leader, speaker, and strategist. He is CSMO at Pipeliner CRM. In his spare time, John is an avid Martial Artist.
About Author
Dennis Brouwer
Dennis Brouwer will teach you the secret techniques used by elite military, medical and startup teams that will help you prepare for the future, anticipate what could go wrong, and develop dynamic cultures that thrive in the face of adversity
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“All great changes are preceded by chaos.”
A personal tempest blew through the doors and windows of my life, and I am forever changed. Think major upheaval in every area of your life. Conjure Dorothy Gale, Robinson Crusoe, Job, yeah them.
In the process, I’ve learned that the disorienting storms of life are not just about survival but of learning to thrive. It is not in spite of daunting circumstances that we grow but because of them.
For three years, painful and unexpected events descended all at once. My long-term marriage, often filled with anger, hurt, mistrust, and not surprisingly, a lack of intimacy, was imploding. My teenage son, who had been very ill, was hospitalized.
In the midst of this, my three children and I moved from our family home of twenty years to a new town. When things seemed to quiet down, my eldest daughter was diagnosed with a chronic and life-altering disease. Oh yes, and I was restarting a career.
Chaos. The utter confusion left in in its wake caused me to stop and reevaluate many of my assumptions about myself and life.
What made this period even more difficult to endure was a sense of abandonment by some whom I thought would always be there, yet perhaps through a sense of helplessness or their own fears could not. Maybe they thought I was contagious. I started to wonder about that myself.
The irony of all of this was, through the lens of the outside world, my life had been seemingly idyllic before. Or had it?
I began to see that my tendency to avoid chaos at all costs lead me right into the belly of it. As humans, we desire harmony and seek order, in our surroundings, our relationships, and in our daily routines. We all crave certainty.
I found the paradox is that when you cling to the illusion of safety, you chain your ability to change.
I also discovered several anchors that kept me grounded in the midst of feeling uprooted. In fact, they never failed me.
Here is what I’ve learned that “worked’ consistently:
1. Surrender.
This is a difficult concept to grasp on an emotional level. This is because we are hard wired, evolutionarily, to fight or to flee when experiencing turmoil. This response served us very well when we were being chased by saber tooth tigers. Unfortunately, it creates more conflict internally.
It takes courage to allow strong uncomfortable feelings, whether grief, anger, or loneliness, to just be instead of trying to force them away. But acceptance brings relief.
2. Meditate.
Someone once told me to meditate as if my life depended on it. I do, because it does. Desperation does wonders. My more formal practice consists of twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the early evening, sitting quietly and focusing on my breathing. If my mind is especially active on any given day, I use my “mantra” (the word joy) as I breathe.
Throughout the day, I strive to practice mindfulness, which simply means to bring my full presence to all that I do. Conscious attention to each activity and interaction brings a calm to my mind and heart. It brings me back to myself.
Another meditation technique I found to be extremely helpful during a sea change of hard times is the meditative practice called tonglen.
Our pain can feel such a heavy burden at times. Tonglen helps by easing the sometimes intense sense of our own suffering by powerfully connecting us with the struggles of others.
Instead of primarily focusing on our own set of difficulties, we purposefully visualize and take on the suffering of others on the in-breath and release happiness for them on the out breath.
It may sound counterintuitive, but I found it relieved me of my own sense of isolation and gave me the gift of perspective. It also helps me to develop greater compassion for myself and others.
3. Observe nature.
When a storm is coming, they hunker down. They prepare the best they can. Birds’ nests and beavers’ dams are fortified. Food is foraged. They don’t foolishly (read: egotistically) try to soldier on.
They wait it out. They trust the process.
When our own personal storms occur, we simply do what we need to do to protect ourselves. For me, that means to stop rushing around accomplishing “one more thing.” I take safety in the shelter of my own home, having stores of healthy and comfort food on hand, books and magazines for fun and for personal growth to read, and the perennial elixir, bath salts, to recharge.
I do not have to fully understand in the moment why or how the storm came to be or if there is a lesson to be learned from it. I simply have to get out of harm’s way. We can analyze to no avail now knowledge that will come effortlessly to us in retrospect.
4. Lean on others.
We all know that family and friends are often a precious salve during times of crisis, change, or loss. Reach out. Stay connected. And realize that if you can’t immediately find someone to give you the kind of support you need, there are those to help you see the situation with new eyes.
People came into my life during this period, serendipitously so, who were engaging, loving, and continue to help me expand and grow. The universe opens up a host of unexpected resources when you risk being vulnerable.
5. Keep the insights.
Some amazing realizations emerge during these times of struggle. We learn what’s truly important and to let the rest go.
Cliché as it may sound, my health and well-being and those that I love are paramount, and I treat them as such. It’s very difficult to be happy or effect positive changes in the world if you are in some state of dis-ease.
I’ve discovered the vitality of finding moments and experiences in life’s everyday activities that lift my spirit and make me smile. My morning cup of coffee, the soft fur on my old dog’s face, the bright pink rose bush against the white picket fence out my study window, all perfect in their simple abundance.
As I practiced healthy behaviors like meditation, exercising, eating well, and other avenues available on the road of loving self-care, I began to heal and see situations improving.
I also discovered that in order to cultivate this deeper, more meaningful life, I found I must maintain these practices. When things are going well, I tend to relax my vigilance. Some of the old behaviors of mismanaging stress creep in. Complacency has been a stubborn roadblock on the journey.
There is where change can be my friend. It doesn’t allow me to be complacent. If change is accepted in this spirit, it can be a catalyst for greatness. Buddhist nun Pema Chodron affirms that “to be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” In fact, it is the only way to learn how to fly.
Looking back on my life before all the chaos, I realized I was chasing status in my work and even my family life, and choosing security (an illusion at best) over listening to my heart.
Now I listen without jumping to conclusions or searching for quick fix solutions. I enjoy strong and vibrant relationships with my children, knowing I don’t ultimately control outcomes. I am currently in a partnership where we encourage each other to grow and risk and be vulnerable.
My work is now more like a calling than a job, providing me with rare and wonderful opportunities to engage with people about their own personal journeys and how they make meaning in their life.
I am amazed by the profound ways my life has “taken off,” unimagined by me, still in mid-flight.
In his book Antifragile, statistician and philosopher Nassim Nicholas Taleb writes:
Some things benefit from shocks; they thrive and grow when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors and love adventure, risk, and uncertainty. Yet, in spite of the ubiquity of the phenomenon, there is no word for the exact opposite of fragile. Let us call it antifragile. 1
Taleb makes the case that people, organizations, and systems can be described in one of three ways: fragile, resilient, or antifragile. To understand the difference between these categories, imagine three packages that are being sent in the mail.
Fragility, Resilience, and Antifragility
- The first package says “Handle with care.” If you’re not careful, everything inside the box will break. It’s fragile.
- The second package says “Robust.” This box can take some hits before the contents inside break. It’s resilient.
- The third package says “Handle roughly.” The stuff in this one actually gets stronger if you kick it around. It’s antifragile.
Here’s the takeaway: You don’t want to be fragile. At the very least, you want to be resilient. And ideally, you want to be antifragile. Let’s look at some ways you can move from fragility to robustness to antifragility in your life:
1. Follow Via Negativa
According to Taleb, “The first step towards antifragility consists in first decreasing downside.” 1 You can do that through via negativa, which is Latin for “the negative way.” Instead of asking yourself what to add to your life, you invert the question and ask yourself what to remove. For example, get out of debt, stop eating junk food, and quit smoking.
2. Manage Your Stress Response
When a stressor shows up in your life, there are two ways you can perceive it: as a threat or as a challenge. These different views create very different thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 2 A threat response makes you fragile, while a challenge response makes you antifragile. So, develop a “Bring it on!” mentality, and stress will strengthen you.
3. Practice Voluntary Discomfort
The Spartan warriors had a creed that stated, “He who sweats more in training bleeds less in war.” You can prepare yourself for the battles of life by practicing voluntary hardship. Occasionally take cold showers, live on a tight budget, drink water only, and so on. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, and the inevitable blows of life won’t be as devastating.
4. Create Redundancies
Nature is filled with redundancies. For example, animals have two lungs, two kidneys, and two testicles, even though one of each would do just fine. But since one in a pair of organs can become disabled through disease or trauma, it pays to have a spare. You can use the same strategy to decrease fragility of the systems in your life. Start an emergency fund, have a spare tire in your car, use an external hard drive to back up your work, and so on.
5. Use the Barbell Strategy
Taleb describes “the barbell strategy” as “a dual attitude of playing it safe in some areas and taking a lot of small risks in others, hence achieving antifragility.” 1 For example, you can keep your day job while working on a side hustle at night. If your side hustle doesn’t work out, you still have an income stream, but if it does work out, you might create a more fulfilling and profitable career.
Always Strive for Antifragility
Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” Set yourself up for antifragility, and you’ll find that famous quote to be true.
This article is an excerpt from my book The Decision-Making Blueprint.
Chaos and Order are two sides of a coin. If you experience chaos, you can flip that coin to find order.
Photo courtesy: Shutterstock
Do you know what your “why” is? That single idea that motivates you in every thought and action, and that drives you to succeed? If you don’t, it’s time to start thinking, lest you risk losing your purpose all together in the chaos of today’s information overload. Allow me to guide you.
At this point in the 21st century, the number of stimuli experienced by the human mind and body is greater than at any previous point in human history and is exponentially growing. This is due to the global proliferation of digital technology, big data, and large population centers. Minds and bodies are expected to intake, register, analyze, diagnose, recalibrate, transmit, and store at a speed comparable to the expansion of the Big Bang. As if that is not difficult enough, the mind and body are expected to perform this same sequence on differing yet simultaneous tasks with complete flawlessness, 24/7/365, while interacting with millions upon millions of other minds and bodies also experiencing this same state of chaos.
As would be expected, successfully living up to this expectation is improbable on the best day and simply impossible on a normal day. The mind and body typically end up doing one of two things: try to keep up, but eventually slow down and stop dead under the weight of inputs; or, remove itself as completely as it can from this environment—basically fight or flight. However, there is a third option available for the overburdened mind and body that offers the potential of greater reward, and it is one of deeper and narrowed focus. The mind and body have wants and needs, and, when met in a disciplined way, while all other signals are ignored, they succeed in satisfying them. The way to go about identifying your most important wants and needs and determining your focus area for success is to ask yourself a single question: Why do I do what I do?
The “why” is the heart of this question, a question which many people do not consider, and many do not comprehend. Those that do comprehend this question and answer incorrectly potentially set themselves on a path leading to the previously mentioned alternatives if not corrected soon enough, while those that answer correctly find their niche in the ever-growing entropy, neither fighting the growth nor hiding from it. They find deeper meaning and overall health in their own life and only seek others that have similar answers to theirs, similar reasons “why.”
Now, the way to go about finding your answer to the why is, at its core, very simple. It must be an answer that makes the mind and body feel alive when mentioning, and that you know instantaneously. It must be a concept that is easy to instill in your every thought and every action. It cannot be purely driven by the desire for money or fame. All answers that conflict with these guidelines are to be discarded, and individuals that cannot follow these guidelines are to be avoided.
The chaos of life cannot be stopped, avoided, or contained. But through proper filtering and selectiveness of what arises from it, the chaos can provide one with everything needed to sustain and develop greater. It can provide the completeness sought by many and only found by a few. In closing: Embrace the chaos, but on your own terms.
Life is chaos, a juggling act; a concept the picture above attempts to illustrate. But the author argues that we can thrive in spite of the chaos by finding not just our “why” but our “what.”
You know your “why”, but do you know “what” you actually need and “what” your goals are? The next step on this journey is to understand “what” you need and “what” you will provide or be known for to society to differentiate your “why.”
You have your newfound why in hand. Now, back into the chaos of the 21st century your mind and body go. Your mind begins to filter out the noise of the ever-proliferating digital age to decide on your next steps—fulfilling your wants and needs. Or does it?
Did your mind and body ever stop to ask if the very thing it is gravitating toward is truly “what” you want or need? Or if that very thing is actually what is going to help you achieve “what” it is you want? Now you’re confused. Finding your “why” was supposed to make life easier. Instead, your mind and body are at odds with each other on elements of your existing routine and this newfound sense of purpose for your life. Well, as the old saying goes, “Nothing in life worth having comes easy!”
Finding your why makes it easier to live your life at its best, with the best purpose you can find for yourself for the rest of your life. Getting there and staying there is nothing short of a miracle of effort on your part. Changing your life and developing the discipline to stick to the new lifestyle that’s required to fulfill your purpose will push your mind and body to and past the limits as you shed the confines of your prior existence. To get there and stay there, you must understand what your new wants and needs are, and the results you want and need. This is where the what comes in. “What” do you want/need, and “what” are you trying to achieve?
The “what” is how your mind and body knows when it has the required resources to pursue fulfilling the vision and ambitions of your “why.” Now, the “what” that is needed/wanted includes the necessities we all know: shelter, food, water, and air. But it also pertains to requirements for stability and peace of mind, which include love and support from family, friends, significant others, and colleagues; self-awareness; love of self; control/discipline over that self; proper regime for and maintenance of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health; and as minimal negative stress as possible to undertake maximum positive stress from the pursuit. The minimal quality of each can be subjective, as everyone is different and thus has different standards. However, the key to knowing when you have “what” is needed/wanted to begin pursuing your “why” is when you no longer search for any of those requirements, or can’t reasonably make excuses to not begin.
The vision and ambitions of your “what” must be in direct alignment with your “why.” An obvious check to know if your vision or ambition is in line with your “why” is if you feel a complete sense of fulfillment and joy when achieving “what” you desired. “What” is to be achieved also must be reasonable, both in terms of discipline needed to achieve it and level of completion to qualify it as an achievement. Once those guidelines are abided by, the “whats” needed for your “why” are in place.
The chaos of life cannot be stopped, avoided, or contained. But through proper filtering and selectiveness of what arises from it, the chaos can provide one with everything needed to sustain and develop greater. It can provide the completeness sought by many and only found by a few. In closing, let me reiterate: Embrace the chaos, but on your own terms.
