How to release anger without hurting others
Want to release anger without hurting others? Find out how to get it out without it.
A nger is a normal part of our existence. It is one of those unique things that make us humans. And this is perfectly acceptable. What is unacceptable is when we turn our anger to hurt the people we cherish or those we come across in our lives.
It is also not acceptable to vent our hostility on animals and objects just because we are hurt, threatened, or provoked. So, how can we release ourselves from the clutches of destructive anger and turn it into something more constructive? Here are 6 ways you can release anger without hurting other people or becoming destructive.
Most people look at anger as a very strong negative emotion. This is true. However, what they fail to realize is that anger does not occur by itself. It is always a product of another emotion or feeling.
For example, anxiety, sorrow, fear, and frustration can lead to feelings of anger. In other words, anger is a response to a stimulus. The problem is that anger is so intense and occurs suddenly that we focus on it in an instant. We no longer look at the things that caused us to feel angry.
A classic example is when we lose someone, we hold dear. We feel sad. Unfortunately, sadness can also produce anger. We feel hostile to ourselves. We can also get angry at other people who we believe are partly to blame for our sadness. The same is true when you get disappointed. This experience can also fuel our anger. As such, it is important to realize that anger is the result of another emotion.
There are many things that can fuel our anger. In our example above, sadness and disappointment can make our anger grow stronger than we can ever imagine. Anxiety, fear, and frustration can also fuel our anger. It is imperative that we come to terms with these negative emotions if we want to release ourselves from the destructive nature of anger.
Becoming self-aware is very important. Psychologists say that self-awareness lays the foundation for optimum personal growth. You understand and appreciate everything that makes you a person. This includes your needs, habits, desires, and failings, among other things.
It is critical to get to know yourself in a deeper manner. What is even more important is learning to accept who you really are. The sooner you can do this, the sooner you will be more efficient in managing any negative emotion that can fuel anger.
Acceptance of anger as a normal aspect of your life can lay the foundation on how you can manage it in a more effective and constructive manner. You need to embrace uncomfortable emotions as being part of yourself.
What is important is you need to deal with these emotions constructively. Most people fail in this regard, unfortunately. Acknowledging the presence of anxiety and anger is one thing. Addressing these negative emotions in a more positive manner can be challenging.
Psychologists say that being compassionate and showing kindness to yourself can help pave the way for a more positive approach to addressing negative emotions. Do not be judgmental about your negative emotions.
If you judge yourself for having these strong negative feelings, you will have the tendency to suppress these emotions. Suppressing anger can only make it stronger. The only thing it needs is the right circumstance and it can explode. You may find yourself hurting others even more.
So, it is best to think of anger as a signal that you are feeling uncomfortable. And it is okay to feel uncomfortable. You only need to find a way to channel this negative emotion into something more positive.
To feel angry is normal. The way you express this negative emotion can spell the difference between a constructive and a destructive outcome. Acknowledging the presence of anger or any other negative emotion is the first step towards releasing anger without hurting other people. Consciously detaching yourself from these feelings is the second most important step. Unfortunately, it is also one of the most difficult to accomplish.
One way you can do this is by employing the “take 5” method. The moment you recognize the anger building up in yourself, take 5 deep breaths. This should take about a minute or two. Deep-breathing requires you to be very conscious about the movement of air to and from your lungs. The same period will allow you to dissociate yourself from the negative feeling. It also allows you to observe what these emotions and thoughts are all about.
Engaging in self-talk can also help. However, it is best to do it objectively than in a subjective manner. For example, most of us would say that we are feeling angry. What we can say instead is that we observe our feelings of anger or any negative emotion are present now.
Another way you can release anger without ever hurting anyone else is by learning more about your values. This is all a part of knowing yourself. Unfortunately, many of us are not even clear about the things that are very important to us.
We can look at this step as our way of looking for more constructive mechanisms that will help us address the negative. Knowing your values will make your journey a lot easier. It gives you direction and clarity of purpose. This can also help you find your way through obstacles, challenges, and other complexities that modern life can bring. Understanding your values also provides you with the knowledge of the different things you can do to deal with anger in a more effective and more positive manner.
Most people struggle in figuring out their values. If this sounds like you, then a professional can help you determine the things you hold dear in your life.
No one can ever master controlling his anger overnight. It takes small, very concrete steps to do so. That is why it is very important that you come to terms with these negative emotions first and accept them as part of your being. Only then can you make the conscious effort of addressing these issues constructively.
Start your day with an appreciation of the wonderful things you already have. You can also affirm your gratitude for having lived another day. These simple acts can lessen the intensity of your negative emotions. The less intense they are, the less intense your anger will be.
While there will always be uncertainties about the future, your ability to control your feelings will be more pronounced. You will be able to process your anger-producing emotions in a healthier way. This will help pave the way to a more pleasant life that does not include hurting others.
Learning to express very strong negative emotions like anger in a more constructive manner is not easy. One must accept anger as a natural part of one’s existence and use this acceptance to build a healthy relationship with negative emotions such as anger. The 6 ways have shared in this article can help you to release and express anger without ever hurting others.
The five primary negative emotions are important feedback tools for our learning and growth. They are anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt and are the way our unconscious mind lets us know one or more of our boundaries have been crossed. Boundaries which can be changed through our decisions and beliefs.
Part 1 outlines a technique to release stored negative emotions by changing what you’re thinking about. It’s a great start to your personal development journey. Part 2 goes deeper into how to do this without the need for techniques.
Part 1
What are negative emotions for?
Negative emotions are the way our unconscious mind lets us know there is something to learn. If we didn’t learn then we may make the same mistake twice. By learning, we can better ourselves and grow as people. Learning sometimes happens unconsciously over time, however, sometimes they cannot be resolved by ourselves so we talk with people who are close to us.
Have you heard the story about the time someone lost their keys and got stuck outside their house all night or the time when they broke their arm falling off a roof as a kid or something similar yet they tell the story in a joking manner with plenty of laughter? Events like these were most likely traumatic at the time yet a few days, weeks or years later there are no negative feelings associated with them whatsoever. How can this be the case?
The answer is because in each case the person learnt positive things from the events. These positive learnings prevented the person from repeating the same behaviour making the negative emotion redundant so it releases itself.
By understanding the mechanics of this process of learning to release emotions, we can fast track this learning process by asking ourselves that very question: “what can I learn from this”.
The five primary negative emotions and their uses
- Anger – usually linked to poor communication
- Sadness – feeling sorry for oneself, usually when things haven’t worked out how you’d imagined
- Fear – feeling of the unknown
- Hurt – feeling sorry for oneself, usually when your values have been crossed
- Guilt – having made mistakes, not doing the right thing
All other negative emotions which we experience fall underneath these primary ones. For example frustration could be classed as a type of anger and anxiety could be fear – whatever feels right for you is perfect.
The process of resolving negative emotions
The process is that you ask yourself which of the five primary negative emotions you are feeling and then ask yourself what you can learn from it. The learning needs to be:
- Positive
- Future focused
To help with the learnings, use the information below as a starting point.
How each of them can be released
Anger – who have you not listened to or who were you not patient with because they did not understand your communication? What will you change next time in order to learn from this?
Sadness – it is OK to feel sorry for yourself but it will only bring you more sadness. Ask yourself what you can learn from it in order that you grow and move onward.
Fear – for what, protection? Fear does not protect you, your fight-or-flight response does. What can you learn from the fear in order that you can proceed? What is the worst that could happen? You are stronger than your think.
Hurt – what for – to prevent future hurt? What can you learn from this in order to let it go once and for all?
Guilt – mistakes are the most important thing we can do as long as we learn from them. What can you learn and what actions can you take in order that guilt releases and you make amends with yourself.
Nobody makes you feel a certain way
The most common objection I get to this model is, “I can’t choose how I feel – they made me angry/sad”. The question I then ask is, “how did they make you angry/sad? Did they wrap it up as a present and give it to you?”
The fact is nobody makes you feel a certain way. We say something to ourselves and then make a decision as to how to feel. This is explained more thoroughly in my post on internal dialogue.
Things to consider with this technique
Sometimes we may experience more than one emotion during a period of time and this can be overwhelming. The skill is taking your time to isolate one emotion, taking a deep breath and asking yourself “what positive things can I learn from this which will help me in the future?”
This technique is great for processing strong emotions – but it is a technique.
If you want to develop something which is sustainable and requires no effort then make sure to check out 5 facts below.
By The Pioneer of Subliminal Messages Online.
Do you feel angry at all times, even for no reason? Though anger is a natural emotional process, sometimes it goes beyond from what’s considered normal. You develop the urge to hurt others or yourself verbally or physically.
There are ways on how to deal with anger without hurting. You can try these:
1. Create a journal.
Write your deepest thoughts and feelings in a journal. It can be a private blog or a notebook. Usually all you need to do is to release the pent-up feeling, regardless if there’s someone who’ll listen to you or not.
A journal is also helpful to keep track of your moods and angry episodes. You can identify its severity as well as its impact on you. Do you feel remorse or guilty afterward? Anger can also be a sign of depression or high level of anxiety. If you decide to see a therapist or a professional, you can provide him or her better insight of your struggle through your journal.
2. Take deep breaths.
Haven’t you noticed? When you’re angry, you feel like your blood boil. It’s because your heart pumps blood a lot harder, and blood circulates faster. You look flushed and red. That’s why one of your initial defenses against uncontrollable anger is taking slow deep breaths.
To practice proper breathing, stand or sit properly and inhale air slowly. You should imagine it filling your entire lungs then exhale through your mouth. Do this until you can feel yourself in a more relaxed or comfortable state.
Meditation is one of the most natural ways to deal with almost anything, including anger and its possible root cause. With meditation, you bring yourself to the present, where the troubles of the past don’t exist. It removes the clutter in your conscious mind and makes you feel more relaxed. Meditation is also good for the body as science proves it promotes a better immune system. When you keep yourself healthy and fit, you are less likely more prone to anger.
Always remember that though your past is a part of you, it doesn’t have to define you. You should also keep in mind that you are worth loving by the people around you. These types of subliminal messages or affirmations provide you with the inspiration to be better.
There are different types of subliminal messages downloads available, and you can choose their mp3 versions, so you can listen to them as many times as you can, especially on days when you are so irritable or moody. You can save them in your mp3 player or iPod. You can also watch subliminal messages videos. Since they are completely safe, they can be used together with other methods of anger management.
5. Discuss your situation with a professional.
Because you don’t understand what you’re going through, you become easily frustrated and hurt. And the more you feel pain, the more you actually feel angry at yourself. If you cannot contain it, you direct your angry feeling to others and hurt them in the process. So you can better understand, talk to a professional.
Nelson Berry is the Pioneer of Subliminal Messages Videos and Subliminal MP3s Audio Subliminal Messages online. Valued at $160, click for 4 Free Subliminal Messages Videos!
Ever felt anger take over every inch of your body? Well, it happens to all of us once in a while, but if you end up hurting others with your words, then there’s a serious problem. No, we aren’t saying that you shouldn’t release your anger, because people who suppress their anger are often seen indulging in self-harm.
Then what’s the right way to channelise your anger? Well, don’t fret ladies because Dr Santosh Bangar, senior consultant psychiatrist at Global Hospital will reveal how you can express your anger the healthy way.
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Here are nine ways to manage your anger effectively:
1. Walk away
This might sound a little rude, but it will be better than saying things you didn’t intend to. It is one of the simplest things you can do to handle the situation. Just go for a walk outside to calm yourself down.
2. Take deep breaths
“Deep breathing has a very good impact when it comes to calming your nerves. It improves the oxygen supply in your body, and regulates your heart rate and blood pressure,” says Dr Bangar.
Deep yogic breathing, amongst other things, can help. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
3. Move your body
“Vigorous exercising not just diverts your attention but it can also release pent-up emotions by releasing the ‘feel-good’ chemical, endorphin. Plus, you can release your aggression while exercising. You can also use a punching bag to release your anger and feel light,” he shares.
4. Write a journal
Sounds difficult? Even if it does, it really works. Writing down your feelings either on a piece of paper, or an email to yourself can do wonders. Also, reflecting the trigger for your anger can be a step forward.
5. Indulge in meditation or yoga
“We all know that meditation and yoga has a therapeutic effect on our minds. Deep breathing is one way of meditating. Also, if you develop the habit of meditating or doing yoga on a regular basis, then it can really prove helpful to keep you calm”, suggests Dr Bangar.
6. Avoid alcohol when you are angry
Alcohol overpowers your emotions, making it difficult for a person to make rational decisions. It makes you more aggressive, and there is a possibility that you might get offended at the smallest of things.
7. Box your anger
“There are various ways to release your anger like hitting a pillow, scrunching a paper, hitting a punching bag, or squeezing a ball, and they actually work,” he suggests.
8. Releasing anger through creative means
Drawing, painting, or colouring can have a calming effect on the mind and can totally help you release anger effectively.
9. Get proper sleep
“A tired mind after a sleepless night can lower the anger threshold, so make restful sleep of 7-8 hours a priority,” recommends Dr Bangar.
The last word
You also need to look out for triggers. If there are some common set of triggers that aggravate your anger, then make sure to avoid them.
Also, these are some generic tips that might or might not work. In case they don’t, then make sure to seek professional help before the situation gets out of hand.
4 Healthy Ways to Express Your Anger Without Blowing Up
Posted Feb 06, 2011
THE BASICS
- What Is Anger?
- Find a therapist to heal from anger
Yes, you read that correctly. Angry tirades, punching pillows (or anything else), and confrontation of the person we view as the cause of our anger doesn’t necessarily reduce or resolve our anger; in some cases, it makes it worse (not to mention the regret we often feel after we do something rash). In fact, Brad Bushman, one of today’s leading researchers on anger and aggressive responding, believes that “venting to reduce anger is like using gasoline to put out a fire–it only feeds the flame.” 1
So if venting isn’t the answer, what is?
1) Remove yourself from the situation. By physically removing yourself from the situation, you are giving yourself a chance to reflect and come up with a rational plan to address the problem. Staying immersed in the situation greatly increases the probability that you will react to the emotion and later regret what you did or said in the “heat of the moment.” Walking away separates you from the “source” of the anger so that you’re able to reflect, breathe, and calm yourself down. Of course, if the source of your anger is internal, then it’s hard to “walk away” from it. But working out your anger–literally–is another great way to effectively release anger. An intense workout or any kind of physical exercise is a great way to release tension and negative emotions, in part, because exercise releases natural endorphins, which make us feel good.
2) Delay your reaction. Delaying any kind of action or reaction, even a few minutes, often serves to diffuse anger. This works very well when you’re angry and you decide to write an angry email or letter. If you delay sending it, once you come back to it, you’ll likely either tone it down a bit before you do send it or not send it at all.
3) Distract yourself. Read a book, sing a song, paint a picture, play a game–do whatever it takes to take your mind off the source of your angry feelings.
4) Find an incompatible response. This last tip is the simplest, but often the hardest to do–breathe and relax. It is physiologically impossible to be tense and relaxed at the same time. Deep breathing and relaxation (which can take many forms, such as a warm bath, listening to music, muscle contraction and release, etc.) is the quickest and surest way to replace anger with calm.
Finally, it’s important to recognize that anger is as much a symptom as it is an emotion. And like any other symptom, its frequency and intensity is something you should pay close attention to. Using a medical example, if you get a headache every once in a while, that’s normal. But if you find your head is hurting often, there may be an underlying problem causing it that you should look into. The same applies to anger. If you find yourself getting angry more easily or more often than ever before, it may signal a more serious problem, such as depression or burnout, and that’s not something you want to ignore.
Until next time, I’ll leave you with these wise words: Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
© 2011 Sherrie Bourg Carter, All Rights Reserved
Many physical symptoms signal that there are emotional, mental or spiritual imbalances. Stuffed down emotions, such as anger, grief, hopelessness, sadness and fear, especially when repressed for a long time, take a toll on the body. For example, fear affects the stomach and anger heavily impacts the liver.
Even when we are told to keep our emotions in check, repressing or suppressing what we feel is not a smart approach to, for example, anger management. If we want to live in harmony with ourselves and others, we need to find a way to feel our emotions and let them flow through us, while expressing them appropriately, without offending or hurting others.
Psychosomatic studies have determined the link between our feelings and the body’s major organs. When we live in anger and resentment, the liver produces an excessive amount of bile. Because this is something the organ would not produce in its natural state, the surplus bile causes acidity in the stomach; thus, we start experiencing headaches and an overall state of depletion and toxicity. The liver is the body’s second largest organ, and it regulates the digestive system, our metabolism and the body’s capacity to detox. The liver stores essential nutrients, vitamins and minerals, produces vital protein elements of blood plasma and sustains the immune system.
As the liver begins to malfunction due to a prolonged state of anger, the entire body struggles to maintain its essential functions. To regain a natural state of health, we can do a liver cleanse and an emotional cleanse at the same time.
Minding our thoughts and our diets represents the key to a healthy liver. Here are some suggestions for releasing anger and resentment:
- Physical exercise, such as cardio, running or kickboxing.
- Shouting in a safe environment, such as a forest or closed room or closed car
- Crying.
- Punching a pillow or any other item that allows you to express without wounding or hurting you.
A healthy liver gives you the strength to carry on, cleanses the body and generates positive emotions.
Personally what has worked for me in terms of non-repressive anger management, is shouting in my car with windows all drawn up and lot of crying. Sometimes when I feel anger bubbling inside me, I allow myself to scream out loud with the same force or intensity it is there inside of me, and when I completely release my anger at that moment I feel myself calming down. If I have headache it also goes away. Same thing happens when I want to cry. When I get very angry tears come up and I allow tears to flow and it doesn’t matter where I’m but I do not stop myself. I just cry – and then I naturally regain my balance and composure.
Check out these 5 tips that address the appropriate ways to release your anger.
We’re all human beings. No matter how easy going we may be, things are bound to happen and cause us to become frustrated and irritated. It could be a flat tire in the middle of rush hour traffic or the constant nuisances experienced from a co-worker at your job. The key to making it through these times is learning how to release your anger in a healthy and appropriate manner. When we don’t deal with our day-to-day issues as they occur, our emotions can get the best of us – causing an individual to boil over and take out their frustrations out on others that didn’t create the initial issues.
Before attempting to release anger an individual must address a situation with a few key elements and perspectives. First, it’s very important that an individual understand that things happen. Just because you got the short end of the stick today, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get the short end of the stick tomorrow or the day after that. Stop comparing your life to the lives of others and come to terms with the unpredictability that will happen. Second, have an open mind and stay positive. With the good and bad circumstances, look for lessons that you can apply to your life to improve the overall outcome and path you’re traveling down. Instead of viewing your situation with a lens that’s half empty, do you best to maintain a positive outlook and view things with a half full perspective.
Now having made those two side points and taking those into fruition, it’s time to learn how to release anger without anger management.
1. Get Your Anger Moving
2. Put It On Paper
3. Communication
4. Find a New Truth
5. Physically Release the Anger
Another important way to get rid of your anger is by physically removing items that cause you frustrations.
As you learn how to release your anger, it’s important to keep an open mind. Know that one of these tips are not going to work individually – instead a combination of the tips will be effective. Don’t get discouraged if one tip works better at times than others. Learning how to release anger can be somewhat of a trial and error process. Stay positive and be willing to forgive those that cause you pain. You’ll find that holding onto mistakes and negativity will only hurt you in the long run and take over the life that you’re working so hard at every day.
In this Article
In this Article
In this Article
- What Is Anger Management?
- Controlling Anger
- Other Anger Management Strategies
- Risks of Suppressed Anger
- Uncontrolled Anger Outlook
What Is Anger Management?
Anger management is a way to lessen the effects that anger has on you. Anger is a normal reaction and feeling, so you can’t make it go away. But you can learn to manage it better.
Anger is a powerful feeling. It’s a normal and healthy emotion that happens when you are frustrated, hurt, annoyed, or disappointed. It could be the result of something that happens to you, something someone said or did, or something you remember. Anger can help or hurt you, depending on how you react to it. If you can react without hurting someone else, it can be good. It’s useful when we need to protect ourselves, and it can motivate you to change things. But it can also make you lash out in ways that you shouldn’t.
If you hold your anger inside, it can lead to passive-aggressive behavior like ”getting back” at people without telling them why or being critical and hostile. Knowing how to recognize and express these feelings in appropriate ways can help you handle emergencies, solve problems, and hold on to meaningful relationships.
Controlling Anger
When you’re angry, you might have feelings anywhere from a slight irritation to rage. When that happens, try this:
- Breathe deeply from your diaphragm.
- Give yourself a pep talk.
- Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax” or “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
- After that, express yourself clearly and calmly.
Angry outbursts are stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse. They also don’t usually have a productive outcome.
Continued
Other Anger Management Strategies
- Physical activity like regular exercise is a way to both improve your mood and release tension and anger.
- Avoid using recreational drugs and drinking too much alcohol, which can make you less able to handle frustration. Alcohol can also loosen your inhibitions so that you say or do something you normally wouldn’t.
- Get support from others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
- If you have trouble realizing when you’re having angry thoughts, keep a written log of when you feel angry.
- Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another’s place.
- Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
- Really listen. Listening can help improve communication and can build trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions. A useful communication exercise is to say to someone, “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying” and then restate back to them what you think was their main message or point of view. This approach can help to clarify misunderstandings that can lead to frustrations, and identify issues on which you may ultimately “agree to disagree” without argument.
- Assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Read self-help books or seek help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.
Risks of Suppressed Anger
If you don’t deal with your anger, it can lead to anxiety and depression. It can disrupt your relationships and raise your risk of illness. Long-term anger has been linked to health problems including:
- High blood pressure
- Heart problems
- Headaches
- Skin disorders
- Digestive problems
Unchecked anger also can be linked to crime, abuse, and other violent behavior.
Sometimes, a pattern of inappropriate anger can also be a symptom of a mood disorder, a personality disorder, a substance use problem, or another mental health problem.
Uncontrolled Anger Outlook
If you believe that your anger is out of control and is having a negative effect on your life and relationships, seek the help of a mental health professional. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you to teach you techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. A mental health professional can help you deal with your anger in an appropriate way.
Ask your doctor if medicines could be helpful. Sometimes, antidepressants, certain anticonvulsants, and low-dose antipsychotics can help manage sudden attacks of rage or anger. Avoid alcohol, short-acting benzodiazepines like Xanax, or street drugs that can make you say or do things more impulsively. Choose your therapist carefully, and make sure to talk to a professional trained to teach anger management and assertiveness skills.
Sources
American Psychological Association: ”Controlling anger before it controls you.”
We all experience the feeling of being angry. Maybe it’s anger directed at a situation or another person, or perhaps it’s your go-to response to a perceived threat, real or not.
Regardless of what causes you to feel angry, it’s how you handle it that matters most.
But what happens when anger takes over and you can’t find a way to address and release these feelings?
When this occurs, the result is what experts often refer to as pent-up anger, or anger that’s been withheld and not expressed. This type of anger can affect your mental and physical health. That’s why it’s important to identify, address, and move past these feelings.
If you’ve ever experienced past anger or been around someone who is dealing with it, you might be wondering what causes these extreme feelings that can take over your body and mind.
According to Kathryn Moore, PhD, a psychologist at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center, pent-up anger can occur as:
- irritability
- internal restlessness
- sadness
- frustration
While the triggers for each person may vary, Moore said there are some common causes of pent-up anger, such as feeling unheard or unappreciated, lack of acceptance of a situation, or unmet needs.
Some people may also experience anger when they’re hurt. “Instead of feeling vulnerable to the pain of feeling the hurt, they instead feel anger and often feel a desire to hurt others,” explained Moore.
Also, Moore said depression and anxiety are examples of unexpressed anger, because anger turned inward often results in self-hatred, which causes depression.
What all of these situations have in common is an experience of anger without expressing or coping with the feelings. When this happens, the anger is allowed to simmer internally, resulting in pent-up anger.
While anger is a valid emotion, Moore said most of the time it doesn’t serve us or help us to hold onto it.
The first step in dealing with pent-up anger is learning how to recognize when it’s happening.
“If you’re holding onto anger, you may find yourself acting it out with others, often strangers, or with those where you can easily get away with it,” explained Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD, LMFT.
This effect is a typical self-defense mechanism called displacement. An example is road rage when perhaps the real issue is that you’re mad at your boss, said Bash.
Other symptoms to look out for include:
- poor sleep
- feeling on edge
- getting irritated easily
- becoming frustrated and irritated in minor situations
- criticizing or hurting others
Recognizing and accepting that you have pent-up anger is a significant step toward dealing with it.
Clinically, Bash said, it’s healthy to get professional help with a therapist to help you understand and accept what you’re angry about.
“Often with practice, you can learn to speak the truth, use your authentic voice, and express anger appropriately in the moment,” she added.
Also, understanding the source of anger can help you cope with the situation or the person involved.
“This may look like having a conversation with the person that hurt you, or it could be expressing your feelings and reflecting on what you have control over and what you cannot change,” explained Moore.
Learning how to prevent and manage pent-up anger can help you develop new strategies for dealing with frustration, hurt, and, ultimately, the anger that occurs as a result of these situations.
The good news is there are a variety of ways to learn how you can prevent this type of anger from building up in your daily life. Here are a few strategies you can do on your own:
Change your environment
Sometimes a change in environment is enough to help prevent feelings of anger from being repressed. By creating physical distance between yourself and the person or situation that’s triggering your anger, you can get the space you need to calm down and move forward.
While permanently distancing yourself may not be an option, even a temporary break from the trigger can help you cope with pent-up anger.
Work it out
Physical activity is an excellent strategy for dealing with anger.
Whether you’re pounding the pavement on a five-mile run, biking through the woods, or pushing some weight around at the gym, moving your body can help you decompress, reduce stress, and burn off any extra tension you’re dealing with.
You’ll also get the added bonus of doing something good for your health.
Challenge your thinking
When dealing with anger, psychologists often use a method called cognitive restructuring that encourages you to replace negative thoughts with more reasonable ones.
This mental shift helps you slow down your thoughts, tap into logic, and, ultimately, change your demands into requests.
Practice relaxation exercises
If you can train yourself to slow down and practice deep breathing, you’re more likely to release some of the anger you’re experiencing.
One strategy to try involves using focused breathing. Think of this as slow, deep belly breathing. It’s a good idea to practice this when you’re calm so you know how to do it when you need it the most.
Use creative arts
One way of learning how to manage anger in a healthy way is through a creative art outlet. Bash explained that quite often, music, painting, dancing, or writing can be great tools to express emotions that can be difficult or intense.