How to develop different perspectives on life

Eric S Burdon

May 29, 2018 · 5 min read

There are over 7.5 billion people in the world today and every one of us thinks in a different way.

Sure there are people that have similar view points. It’s why we are able to gather around particular causes. But at their core, we do things for different reasons.

It’s this particular fact that has gotten me so interested in people and found a deeper appreciation for people.

It was through that fact as well that I learned a valuable lesson.

That lesson being that we need to appreciate the differences in perspective and therefore people.

In f a ct, by embracing these differences we can better learn ourselves in ways we can’t imagine on our own.

Perspective is how we see the world, our own reality.

It’s unique to ours and ours alone.

But is our reality the only one that exists?

Every person has their own realities, whether it’s job positions or people in general. These positions and perspectives are based on our reality.

From there, we see things differently.

As a leader or as an individual, it’s widely important to see things in different light. By doing that we add a deeper layer of understanding ourselves and others. I always use the example of people in power (like managers) or politicians to explain this.

It’s easy for people to see at times why managers or politicians do certain things that make no sense. Some people feel that these people are out to get them. They complain about change or something else when change comes.

The truth is, that those complainers could very well lack perspective.

I’m not saying all politicians are saints and all managers are good given the right circumstances.

However their actions shouldn’t be based solely on one perspective, the general public or their employees respectively.

In order to see things in a different light there are a few skills we need to develop: perspective-taking and perspective-seeking.

Perspective-taking is seeing things from various view points. In essence we need to learn to get into other peoples shoes and see things from their side.

With perspective-seeking it’s a lot more than walking in someones shoes.

Perspective-seeking is basically looking at things objectively rather than picking a side.

It’s having an open mind and a willingness to learn what someone is going through.

But it is through this cat-like curiosity and willingness to see things in different lights, that skills can be used in many different ways. It’s how through the course of this writing challenge, I’ve been seeing lack, toxic relationships, anger and revenge in different lights. I’ve been revisiting those themes and deepen my understanding of them.

Furthermore by having an open mind to peoples perspectives you can enrich your life by discovering other things about your life and reality.

You could take a global perspective as well and see the merit in having diversity in your group and social life as well.

In order to build teams, diversity is needed. We can see that already in work as people take a more collaborative spirit now more than ever.

That being said, there still is some lack in diversity in ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation. In fact, a lot of us neglect it.

It’s for this reason embracing it can help us grow.

Businesses alone who have embraced diversity have seen increases in innovation and revenue for example. Companies who have women taking leadership positions have seen increased revenue as well as further innovation compared to other businesses who’s leaders are predominately white men.

These different perspectives and backgrounds are necessary in our lives as it opens up our world.

A lot of racial tension that has happened in society today could easily be associated to communities and lifestyles where people aren’t exposed to different groups of people for a good portion of their life.

That or they grew up with a certain standard and perception of particular people of colour.

Those barriers can be broken down by having an open mind and even working with other groups of people. Both as a child and as an adult.

Abraham Lincoln once said…

“Judge not, for you would do the same thing if you were in that position.”

I encourage other people to start living in that way as it encourages us to be both perspective-taking and perspective-seeking.

When we have a broad mind and attempt to understand both sides of the coin, we grow.

There will always be two sides to every story. So take both in and try to understand objectively.

To understand one side is to have knowledge, but to know both is to have wisdom.

This post is part of an 3 month writing challenge that I’m committing myself to. Every day for 3 months, I’ll be writing articles with specific criteria in mind. You can learn all about my reasoning as well as what that criteria is right here. This is 59 of 91 of this series.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this article, be sure to click the clap icon👏 to applaud and so others will see it. And then share it on Twitter & Facebook too.

OK, I’ll admit it. Sometimes I just want to give up! I can hear you whispering, “Yeah, me too.”

No matter your field of expertise or lot in life, I can guarantee you’ve run up against problems that seem insurmountable. Whatever the circumstance, these are the times when you feel like giving up.

When Problems Seem Too Big

Let’s face it, there will always be problems that seem impossible to solve. You will always have moments when you want to throw up your hands and walk away. But the odds are that you’re not the first person to tackle your particular problem. There IS a solution waiting to be found, you just haven’t found it yet.

What you really need is a change—a change of perspective.

Have you ever stood outside a skyscraper and looked up? It’s almost impossible to conceive how something so massive was ever built.

Your problem can look like that.

Now, go up the elevator to the top floor and look down. Everything down below seems so small. All you did was change your position and thereby change your perspective.

Realize the Need for Change

Here’s the deal. When you changed your perspective by taking the elevator to the top floor, you didn’t accomplish it under your own power. Sure, you’re the one who took initiative to make the transition, but you didn’t design and build the skyscraper, you didn’t pay for the electricity to operate the elevator, and you didn’t create the new view out of thin air. Your approach to solving problems should be similar. There’s absolutely no reason you should be going it alone.

Maybe you’re just stuck in a rut. Have you heard the old saying, “A rut is nothing but a grave with both ends kicked out?” If you’re stuck, you need to step back and consider whether you’re doing the same thing over and over, hoping to accomplish something new. That’s the very definition of insanity. Break out of the ordinary and try something new.

7 Tips to Help You Gain a New Perspective

1. Ask for help. See if a friend or trusted colleague has any fresh ideas. You don’t have to do this alone, even if finding the solution is your responsibility. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for some input. Ask, “How would you do this?” or “Where would you start?”
2. Walk away. No, you’re not giving up, you’re simply stepping away from the problem for a while. Instead of banging your head against a wall, try letting go and do something new while your mind keeps chipping away in the background. The subconscious mind has an amazing ability to solve problems on its own.
3. Start over. As hard as it might be to scrap whatever progress you’ve made so far, sometimes it’s the best solution. Take a break and start fresh. It doesn’t mean all the time and energy you’ve spent so far has been a waste. On the contrary, once you start again, you’ll find the best places to insert your old data in your new approach.
4. Overhaul your routine. Change things up and see if that sparks your imagination and critical thinking. Routine is good and helps us get things done efficiently, but you may have let bad habits or unnecessary actions creep in over time. Maybe your routine is fine, but you’re bored. Change it up! Inject something new into your schedule that gives you a boost.
5. Broaden your horizons. It’s always possible you simply don’t know enough to make an informed decision. Have you looked at your problem from every side? Have you done your due diligence to tear the problem apart so that you’re intimately familiar with every little tidbit? This is the Eastern method of problem solving. (You can learn more about this from Chris LoCurto.)
6. Break out of your two-dimensional view. Similar to #5 above, how deep does your vision go? Is your perspective two-dimensional—like an elevation drawing of a building? Sure, it may be detailed, but it’s only surface detail. Go deeper and learn more, as if you’ve been tasked to create a full architectural blueprint suitable for constructing the building you’ve envisioned—that’s 3D perspective. Then, create a timeline for your solution. When’s the deadline? How long will the necessary steps take? How much advance notice do you need to give your team? That’s a 4D perspective.
7. Ask someone else take the lead. You many need to swallow your pride and admit that you’re not the best person for the job at hand. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure, but it does mean that you’re headed toward failure if you don’t make a major adjustment. It also doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It’s a sign that you’re wise and humble enough to recognize that someone else should take the lead. Now you get the chance to be a team player.

What are some ways that you find a new perspective? Share your methods and ideas in the comments.

I’m Jeff M. Miller, and I help ordinary people who are stuck in a rut change their behaviors so they can be extraordinary. I’m an entrepreneur who retired from my full-time job in my early 40s to work from home. I’m a financial counselor, life coach, graphic designer, and passionate believer in helping others improve their lives a little more each day.

No matter what we do there always comes a point in our lives when we bear thoughts of having to have done some things in life before when we were “younger” – these are called realizations, and sad part of this it when it hits you it usually happens during a crisis in life. But as what I always say everything happens for a reason – and a good one, and so my ramblings go on.

Have you ever found yourself asking – “Why didn’t I know this before when I was younger?” Simply because “younger” supposedly means that your “self” is more open to enlightenment, then when not-so-good things happen you’re also supposedly more ready emotionally to grab at it and move forward with a fresh mindset.

Here’s 7 simple perspectives I have learned –

Always be at the present.

Simply put – past is past and that’s irreversible and you can’t work on it all over again, the present is what you have right in front of you and that’s where you’re at, that’s where you can still change or modify whatever it is you want to be able to move into your future that is partially based on the decisions you make today, so never get too engrossed on looking back and forward that you forget that you’re in the NOW.

Avoid getting overwhelmed with what you should or shouldn’t do.

Society and its norms can have dictums that determine what we should and we shouldn’t do and that in itself can create a lot of major confusion on how we want our lives to be. Solution? Live your life the way you want it exactly to be and avoid limiting yourself to conform to people’s expectations. It’s your life anyway.

See things as is and avoid blowing it out of proportion.

Thinking is fine but too much is not anymore, mindsets are formed but be extra cautious into what components you put into it. We are capable of creating problems larger than they actually present to be which causes huge amounts of unnecessary stress in us, so cut the overthinking and over-analyzing and deal with what you have in your hands as is, after all that’s been said and done, this too shall pass.

Life is all about perspective.

Take courage and begin facing your fears.

Whether or not it be a justified fear or not, we all have one or even two or more― but to really grow and live a life, you need to actually face your fears head on. It can be the most difficult feat to conquer but it is indeed the most rewarding.

Don’t rush things.

In this ever-changing fast-paced world we sometimes get ourselves conditioned to expect and get anything in an instant leading us to believe that it can be applied to our goals and dreams, the bad news is this can’t be instant like noodles but the good news is you grow and learn so much more as an individual in the journey you take in achieving them. Set for yourself realistic goals and never rush things, I’m a believer that the best things in life are those you work hard for.

Things are not always about you so stop assuming what others think.

Endpoint is the world doesn’t revolve around you alone. The rest of the people around you carry with them their own worries and even insecurities so chances are, they won’t really put much attention on you. That being said focus on you and work on matters that will lead towards your growth as a person.

Be grateful to life.

Appreciation is the greatest prayer and the greatest magnet of better things to come. As we all advance in age, the more we appreciate the things we have in life including lessons learned. The earlier you adapt to an attitude of gratitude the more you become enlightened to integrate this in your daily life, thus the more you’ll be able to live in the present and be grateful for what makes your life worthwhile―no matter is too small to be appreciated.

I’ll end my blog with something Christopher Walken said-

None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.

No matter how flat you make a pancake, it’s still got two sides.

One of the greatest limitations we face as human beings is that we look at the world from our own subjective perspective—especially in situations that directly involve us. Anytime there’s something personal at stake, you’ve got a built-in bias, right? But it doesn’t have to be so one-sided. If you can develop the ability to really see through another person’s eyes, you’ll be tapping into an incredibly powerful tool for managing your life. And it’s a skill you can cultivate—just like flipping a pancake.

A long time ago, I had a job training salespeople. There was a refrain we often repeated: “If I’m going to sell Bill what Bill buys, I’d better see things through Bill’s eyes.” You don’t have to work in sales to benefit from that mind-set. In fact, I attribute much of my success to my ability to ferret out how a situation could look to others.

You might assume that the way to come out on top is to focus relentlessly on your own agenda, desires and needs—but that’s what narcissists do, and narcissists are not effective players in the game of life. Self-obsession will take you only so far. How can you influence other people if you can’t connect with them in a meaningful way? You glean tremendous insight when you understand someone else’s currency, feelings and circumstances. That’s why you’ve always got to work to flip that pancake so you can see the other side. Notice I said “work”: You have to make a conscious effort to do it.

When I’m negotiating, I don’t think of it just as a matter of trying to get what I want. My priority is to give the other person as much of what he wants as possible—which I can only do once I uncover what makes him tick, what he believes, what he fears and what he values. Otherwise, nothing I say would resonate.

Here’s a real-world example. Let’s say you like the occasional night out with your friends, and often things go a little late. And every single time, your husband gives you grief about it. You don’t want him to be upset, but you also don’t want to feel like a teenager with a curfew. What’s the best way to break the stalemate? By stepping back and trying to understand his point of view. Does he really care where the hands on the clock are when he hears the front door open? Or does he just want to know that you’re safe and that you respect him enough to tell him when you’ll be home? Bingo. A savvy negotiator would say, “Honey, I know you love me and that you worry about me. So I promise that if I’m ever going to be out past midnight, I’ll be sure to call.”

I get to see both sides of the pancake every day on my show. Parents tell me their son is wildly out of control and list 20 examples that leave me thinking he’s headed straight for juvie. Then the boy tells me what he endures day after day from his abusive, histrionic, demeaning mom and dad. No wonder he trashed the house and ran away! If I had heard only one side of the story, I would have made a big mistake the second I opened my mouth.

When you know where the other person is coming from, that knowledge is power. Without it, you’ll never get to the real issue—and as you’ve probably heard me say before, 50 percent of the solution to any problem lies in defining it. Once you’ve figured that out, you’re halfway home. But you can’t get there until you flip the pancake.

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw’s daily talk show is in its 12th season. He has written seven best-selling books; his latest is Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World tuszqcexswfqrvtaub (Bird Street).

Have you ever woken up wondering what the hell is going on with your life? Lots of people do. It happens to all of us at some point in our lives, and often multiple times. Joseph Campbell assured us of this uncertainty, saying, “If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”

Between everyday life responsibilities and the daily upkeep of simply living life, it can seem like we don’t have the time or space to examine the direction of our life — that is, until we are forced to. We may be going about our business when suddenly we are struck with misfortune. We lose our job. Someone close to us gets sick or dies. We are faced with some kind of major loss that is often unexpected. Our lives aren’t the same and now we are faced with making new choices. What can we do when life changes suddenly, or when we know it’s time to change?

There are plenty of phrases for these occurrences in our lives. Call it mid-life crisis, a personal breakdown or a spiritual awakening. I believe major life changes are invitations to grow. They are times that require us to move beyond what we know, into the unknown, and to expand who we are. It makes us go deeper, wondering, “Who am I? What is my true purpose?”

During these times, we may be at a total loss as to what to do next. Life is uncertain. It can be uncomfortable, but it’s not necessarily a bad place to be. Of course our ego likes to “know” everything and be in control. But when we realize this isn’t true, we might find ourselves back at square one. When we’re at a crossroads, transitioning into a new phase of our life, it’s important to be totally honest with yourself, feel your true feelings, and let yourself unwind and let go. Life changes are a time of healing and self-introspection. Gaining perspective is key. It often makes the difference between resisting or accepting the new changes that are happening in your life.

Here are 10 ways to help you get life perspective:

Last week I wrote about why your perspective as a leader is so powerful. If you missed it, it is a great prelude to this article. Today I give you practical ways to get more and new perspectives into your experience and thought process.

Note: None of these are difficult in and of themselves, but all may require a change of habit or thinking. All of them will make a real difference in your ability to lead, make decisions, influence others and much more. Because of their power, it will be worth your time and effort to try them.

Shut up and listen. You already have your perspective, which you likely won’t change very much if you keep talking. Listen to what others have to say, how they see the world and the situation. Not only will you learn something and gain a new perspective, you will build your relationship with the other person at the same time.

Ask more questions. This applies to one on one conversation as a way to extend your listening and learning, but it also applies to life in general. When you are curious about the world around you and ask questions to understand things, you are automatically expanding your perspective and horizons at the same time.

Spend time with new people. This could be people from different departments, a new neighbor or anyone. The goal here is to get to know people with different experiences than you, so you can begin to see their perspectives. Bonus points here the further from your comfort zone you move! Once you are spending time with new people, apply the first two points above to those conversations.

Read more and more broadly. Reading provides us new vistas and perspectives. Read new authors, new genres, new magazines, blogs and websites. All reading is helpful, but if you only read in your industry or only read your favorite author, or only otherwise monochromatically, you are hampering your perspective-building opportunities. While most all types of reading material can help – fiction and biographies are especially helpful. Reading is one of the most efficient and powerful ways to broaden your perspective. I know some people read more than others – if you are thinking “I’m not a reader”, remember that since you can read, you can choose to read more or differently.

Watch different stuff. Like reading, what we choose to watch can broaden our perspectives. Always watch sports? Turn on Spike or the Food Channel. Always watch the dramas? Try Biography or the History Channel. Have a favorite news channel? Watch a different one for a week.

Experience your experiences through a new filter. This one is big! Pretty much all of your life experiences can help you gain new perspectives, if you are looking for them. Look for situations you don’t understand or surprise you and be curious. Think about things that happen and things you hear through the filter of your current challenge or problem. Notice things and compare them to the issues you are contemplating. Consistently and consciously thinking about seeing new perspectives will make all the difference.

These six approaches will help you gain new perspectives. Now your challenge is to use those perspectives to make better decisions, be more empathetic, solve Customer issues, and one hundred other things. Perspective changes our world and as we see more of them, our ability to communicate, prioritize, decide and lead improves.

Now you understand the power, and have an action plan.

The rest is up to you.

And for even more leadership resources…

Go here to get instant access to my special report and for even more leadership resources!

8 Ways Procrastination Can Destroy Your Life

We as humans have a very limited knowledge of the world surrounding us. And the skewed out version of things we learn at school is either biased or only provides a single point of view with academic authority. So really the responsibility of educating ourselves falls into our own hands and what better way to educate ourselves than reading books. Books expose us to differing views about things and challenge our beliefs in a way that it helps us better understand ourselves.

Here are some more reasons to further prove why reading is such an important hobby:

1. Reading Books Can Enhance Your Imagination:

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Writing is an art form. The book we are reading is written by a creative giant who has used his or her brain to unravel for us the possibilities of different worlds, different narratives, different characters. They expose us to new scenarios which we may never be able to come up with on our own.

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When our brain gets used to imagining situations so far from reality it becomes easier for us to think stuff on our own from onwards, to come with our own creative stories and narratives. Some of the best works of our time were inspired by a previously written text. Art begets art and if you wish to be a better writer or just be more imaginative it is absolutely imperative that you read more quality books.

2. Reading Books Helps You Grow As A Person:

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It is believed that reading improves our power to empathize. Reading about different characters, being exposed to their thoughts and vulnerabilities makes us more empathetic in real life as well. When we empathize with people, we become kinder and gentler and are better able to understand them. The ability to put oneself in other’s shoes makes us less likely to see people in black white, as only good or only bad. It gives us a wider perspective and hence makes us wiser.

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Moreover, there are specific books designed to help you improve as a person. There are many self-help books written by people who are expert in the fields of psychology or human behavior and have used years of research and experience to write books which will benefit the readers by providing tips on how to improve themselves. By reading these books we can learn how to let go of a bad habit or find a new perspective on life, which will eventually lead us to become a better version of ourselves.

3. Reading Books Builds Self-confidence:

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when we read, we gain insight into the lives of the characters that the writer has meticulously formed. We read about their struggles and triumphs and all the things they go through in their lifetime. More often than not we find ourselves in those characters. We read something and find out we have gone through a similar experience as the character is going through right then and somehow feel less alone in our struggles.

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We often feel like failures and believe that the bad things that happen to us are brought upon us by ourselves. But reading about a character going through something similar and finally overcoming it, gives us hope that we shall too overcome our problems and bad things do not only happen to us. It makes us more confident in ourselves and our in our abilities to deal with difficult situations when they arrive. Reading makes us realize that all humans are imperfect, not only us.

10 Books that Help You Do Less and Achieve More

4. Reading Books Expands Your Knowledge:

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We all know books contain information about everything and anything. By reading a book which does not even have to be an encyclopedia, you are bound to learn new things about something or another. No matter which genre you read, writers spend a lot of time researching about their subjects and setting and if some facts are mentioned in the book, they are likely to be true.

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Sometimes while reading you may come across something that you have never thought about previously or had any knowledge of and by reading that you were incited to research about it more and you will probably end up learning about something completely new.

5. Reading Books Help With Stress Management:

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Reading is known to relieve stress. While reading, especially fiction you are transported into a whole different world, a whole different timeline. This world has its own set of people and its own set of problems, which for a while transports us from our own problems. Submerging in a book helps us escape reality and sometimes that is enough to relieve us from the stress of our personal issues.

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Books have the power to make us cry or laugh and often experiencing these emotions through stimulation can help us release that buildup of feelings in a healthy way. It helps release our bottled up emotions and bring about a sense of peace. Reading is the cheapest therapy.

6. Reading Books Enhances Analytic Processing:

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While reading we are usually processing a lot of information. Taking in settings, moods, dialogues, and actions all at the same time and building a narrative in our mind by combining all the information.

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It trains our brain to picture things and convert words into images. Stimulating our brains this way enhances its analytical skills which help us to process information faster in our daily lives. Reading books has the potential to transform us into imaginative, empathetic, confident, less ignorant and smarter people. It is one of the easiest things to do, you just need to get a copy of a book digital or in paper and begin reading. If you can not afford to buy paperbacks, there are countless e-books that could be found for free with a simple google search, so really you have no excuse. If you are not in the habit of reading, it is never too late to begin.

Anxiety is on the rise, but we can use this as a time for growth.

Posted Apr 17, 2020

No one will dare to deny that we are navigating unprecedented times; we are in the midst of a global health crisis, and anxiety is understandably high. There is a real tragedy in the world as tens of thousands of people have lost their lives and even more have gotten sick. As the pandemic unfolded, months ago, I thought: Where is the mental health dialogue?

And then it started—a good thing.

Most of us have been reminded that mental health is an inextricable part of the human experience. We can’t avoid it. When we shake hands or receive a hug from a trusted friend or loved one, oxytocin and dopamine are produced in the brain that help us feel emotionally connected. However, elbow bumps and foot taps, modifications to reduce casual contact in the wake of COVID-19, were welcomed early on with humor and curiosity.

Then, many people around the country transitioned to a period of denial; we heard public health officials and politicians pleading to people (especially young people) to take social-distancing recommendations seriously. We saw gatherings on beaches and parties in bars in defiance of what we were being told to do to save each other’s lives.

As the weeks have passed, and most of us are spending our days at home, reality has started to sink in: This is really happening; anyone can get this. We were, and continue to be, cognizant of the mental health implications of social distancing and the importance of finding other ways to stay connected. Zoom, FaceTime, telephone calls, active listening, and choosing our words wisely can go a long way in helping us feel less isolated. Some people (seniors and people who live alone) are already at an increased risk for feeling more disconnected, so we can reduce the chances of isolation spiraling into a major depression by finding safe ways to connect with people who may fall into high-risk groups.

A newly released Express Scripts report shows a recent surge in prescriptions for antidepressant medications and anti-anxiety prescriptions (particularly benzodiazepines). Other reports have suggested an increase in alcohol purchases; liquor stores in many states remain open. Some in the political arena are considering and even speaking publicly about the possibility that sustained economic hardship may impact suicide rates.

Racial disparities in health care access and outcomes have been elucidated. African Americans are dying more from the novel coronavirus compared to other groups. These issues are not new, but the public discussion—on television, on the pages of magazines, and at the dinner table—might be.

As a psychiatrist and wellness advocate, I can appreciate that most people are thinking about mental health, even if they aren’t talking about it.

Now, the conversations are happening—also a good thing.

I won’t deny that people are struggling, they are, and I am seeing this on the frontlines of mental health care as I (and other mental health care professionals) help people make sense of the myriad of emotions they are experiencing right now: confusion, fear, and uncertainty. But I am also hearing stories of stillness, mindfulness, connection, and clarity.

A patient I spoke with this week told me, “I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but the shelter-in-place order is probably the best thing that could’ve happened for my mental health and well-being.” I have actually been surprised by the number of patients who have asked me to reduce their medication dose, or have shared that they feel closer with their husband or wife or more optimistic about returning to life when the dust settles, as it were.

An important part of the mental health dialogue should include a discussion on how we can make the most of this time and how we might emerge from our collective grief as more mindful people. It is my belief that uncertainty is driving individual anxieties. The way to navigate uncertain times is by holding on to things that we have control over: washing our hands to reduce the risk for transmission, wearing a mask in public, physical distancing, continuing to find ways to move our body through virtual workouts, and finding stillness in the breath. People are dusting off books they’ve been meaning to read or spending time cooking with their family. In clinical conversations, I’m hearing that modifications like these are allowing people to understand that they have more control over their minds than they thought.

People are slowing down. Personally, I have noticed I’ve been substituting my run for a walk—likely to protract the time I have outside. Soaking in the bath rather than a quick shower, or starting the day with 15 minutes of meditation (there are some great apps for this). We are kinetic people, and many of us spend hours commuting to and from work every day. If we’re being told to stay at home, we have extra time in our day for stillness. Stillness doesn’t have to translate to boredom; it can produce calm and clarity if utilized appropriately.

Finally, I am sensitive to the fact that socioeconomic disparities (some people don’t live in neighborhoods that are safe enough to go for a walk outside) and for people who are victims of domestic violence, being told to stay at home produces an unfortunate and nightmarish reality. But, if there’s a reason for hope, it’s that our humanity is what draws us together. Mental health professionals, as well as others, are still here to help.

Seeing Things Differently

The probably familiar images of two straight lines (of equal length) and a candlestick or wine glass (or two faces) show us that things are often not as they first seem, and there’s almost always a different perspective.

When there’s a traffic accident, police ask for witnesses to come forward and describe what happened. They like to have as many witness statements as possible so that they can build up enough evidence to give them a broader, more realistic version of events. In a traffic accident, there will be many different perspectives on what happened. The driver of one car will have one view, another driver or a passenger will have yet another view. Each onlooker who witnessed the accident will have a slightly different perspective, depending on where they were, how far they were, how good a view they had, what else was going on, how much danger they felt they were in, how the accident affected them, what the accident means to them.

It’s the same principle with everything – each situation, event, conversation, means something different to all those involved, and also to those not involved. We give different meanings, according to our belief systems, and how we are affected by the event.

We all have our own realities. Anais Nin said:

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”

We look at situations, events, and interpret what other people say and do, according to our own set of past experiences, culture, faith, values, all of which help us form our beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about the world in general. The meaning we give events, the way we make sense of our world, is based upon our set of core beliefs.

Our minds are constantly trying to make sense of our world, forming judgements and opinions about every situation, event, interaction. Those judgements and opinions will be affected by our central or core belief system. It is as though we are looking at the world through distorted or coloured lenses – and everyone has their own personal prescription or colour for their glasses.

Core belief system comprises:

• How I think about myself
• How I think about others
• How I think about the world

Our core belief system is formed and influenced by:

• Childhood upbringing
• Culture
• Faith
• Values
• Current circumstances
• Character traits, including genetic influences

In the example above, even situations in which others present find enjoyable and relaxing, this particular person will experience it very differently, and feel threatened by others. A look, word or gesture intended to be friendly and kind, may be interpreted as “They don’t mean that. They’re only trying to be kind to me because they pity me”. Or even, “They mean to hurt me”. Their mind is interpreting the situation with the bias of “I’m vulnerable, others might hurt me, this is dangerous, I’m useless and unlovable”. The mind will work to make any contrary information, fit with those beliefs.

This is shown by “The Mental Crusher” (Butler, Fennel, Hackman 2008)

‘The Mental Crusher’ sits outside the entrance to our belief system, and only allows information or ‘evidence’ which fits with our own belief system to enter. Any contradictory evidence or information (any shape other than a rectangle) is rejected, or made to fit (crushed into a rectangle). In the diagram, the explosion shape is about to enter the Crusher. As it passes through (shown by the arrow), it becomes a rectangle – it’s been crushed and distorted to fit. Therefore, our beliefs remain unchanged in spite of apparently contradictory evidence being out there.

Paraphrased from p. 58 of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety Disorders by Butler, Fennel & Hackman (Guilford 2008)

In the case of our earlier example, the information that ‘a person looked at me’, is “crushed” and distorted (“they gave me a funny look”) to confirm that others dislike or mean to hurt me.

Learning to see things differently: The Helicopter View

Sometimes it’s useful to use a metaphor to help us consider the bigger picture. When something is distressing us, we’re so close to it, emotionally involved with it, part of it – that makes it really hard to stand back from what’s happening. It’s like the well-known saying “We can’t see the wood for the trees”, or like ‘Google Earth’ – we see the close up view but we can’t see anything else. We can zoom out our view and see the bigger picture. We could call this the Helicopter View. As the helicopter takes off, getting higher and higher, it sees a bigger and bigger picture, and is less involved with the detail at ground level.

Wise Mind (Linehan 1993) is the balanced part of us that comprises our inner knowledge and intuition, where our emotional thinking mind (thoughts driven by distressing feelings) and rational thinking mind come together, the part of us that just “knows” that true reality. Emotion mind drives opinion, whilst reasonable mind is fact-based (fact or opinion?) Asking ourselves what ‘wise mind’ might make of this situation will help us to stand back and be more aware of the bigger picture, and help us respond in more helpful and effective ways.

Within any meeting of people all the individuals will of course have their own belief system, and will therefore have different perspectives – see and think about things differently – and this will affect the way these individuals interact with each other. We can learn to be more aware of how our own belief system affects us, and consider how others might see the same situation quite differently. Wise Mind is the balanced part of us that comprises our knowledge and intuition, where thinking mind and emotion mind come together, the part of us that just “knows”, that inner truth:

Seeing different perspectives will help to reduce distressing emotions, help us feel more confident, enable us to be more understanding and empathic, and improve communication and relationships.
Learn to STOPP!

As we learn to challenge our unhelpful thoughts and biased perspectives, and see things in a more balanced and realistic way, so we will discover that situations and people can be different to how we usually interpret things, which can lead us to modify our core belief system, and therefore bring about lasting positive change.

The Guardian: 1986 Points of View advertisement

Feeling like crap is crap, right? Letting negative thoughts consume your mind and feeling stressed on a chronic basis can be tough to handle, and so it’s important to know how to instantly change your perspective in order to be more positive and feel happier, as explained by experts in an interview with the Huffington Post. Feeling happier will not only influence your day, as you’ll be in a better mood, but it can have great effects longterm, leading to more satisfaction and greater wellbeing longterm. It can also influence others, as people enjoy being around positive elements more than negative, moody vibes.

As a certified health coach, I work with clients on being in tune with their bodies and emotions in order to better control them and manipulate when getting rid of negativity and fostering a more positive attitude is required. No one likes feeling sad and unfulfilled, and it can be quite common in this world’s busy, hectic cycle of work, stress, and more work, that is so prevalent. When you notice a bad mood hitting you, look to these 11 ways to change your perspective as soon as possible and start feeling happier and more relaxed with whatever lies ahead of you. Trust me, it’ll be worth it for all those peppy, mood-boosting points.

1. Stop Thinking In Terms Of “Should”

In interview with Bustle, Lynne Goldberg, certified meditation coach and co-founder of the OMG. I Can Meditate! app, says that thinking in terms of “should,” and how certain things should be, can lead to disappointment. “We all tend to see things from our limited perspective, but our view of how things ‘should’ be causes most of the suffering in our lives,” Goldberg says. Avoid this perception for greater happiness.

2. Consider The Other’s Perspective

If you’re interacting with someone else, think of his or her perspective and how it compares to your own, advises Goldberg. “For example, let’s say we are expecting to meet someone for lunch at noon and they show up a half an hour late – we may have many different feelings depending on our perspective. We may feel angry that they have disrespected our time, or maybe we feel worried that something bad has happened to them. However, from their point of view, they may have been stuck in traffic or thought noon was merely a suggestion to aim for rather than a time set in stone,” Goldberg says.

3. Look For Something Positive

“We recognize that what we look for is what we tend to see,” says Goldberg. So, instead of looking for an outcome that is negative or some flaw, look for something positive that can be beneficial or add to your life, rather than diminish an area of its worth. By shifting to search for happiness, you can create it.

4. Think Of The Bigger Picture

Consider the bigger picture when forming a perspective on something, says Goldberg, and think of how this one perspective or area of focus and hold up within the larger picture or real-world effects. “By widening our lens to the bigger picture we begin to see things more clearly. As if instead of seeing the individual walls in a maze, we suddenly see it from above in it’s entirety,” Goldberg says.

5. Show Gratitude

According to a 2005 study from the University of Pennsylvania, showing gratitude can make you feel more satisfied with where you are in life and the people and situations you surround yourself with. If you’re feeling negative, think of something that you’re grateful for in order to focus on something that gives you joy and can banish the worries and moodiness.

6. Smile

As demonstrated in a 2011 study from Michigan State University, even if you’re feeling upset, and smiling is probably the furthest thing from your mind, cracking a smile and showing a few white, pearly teeth can be an instant mood booster. It can help you shift your perspective on whatever obstacle you are dealing with in order to feel happier and more optimistic about what’s to come.

7. Get In A Workout

According to a 2008 study conducted at University of Bristol, getting in a sweat session can boost mood and happiness levels, and this is a great asset for when you’re feeling down and need to shift to a more positive perspective, gain some clarity, enhance your mood, and start to feel more relaxed and less anxious overall. Find an activity that works for you, one that is enjoyable and effective.

8. Help Others

When you’re feeling down about yourself, it’s easy to put things in proper perspective when you consider how you stand compared to others, those who may be suffering or are worse off than you are, as shown in a 2008 study at The University of California Berkeley. So, giving a little money to others can make us feel more positive. Spend a little to brighten someone’s day.

9. Take A Nap

Brandon Berman, Reverie in-house sleep expert says over email with Bustle that getting enough sleep can help you change your perspective to a happier one. “There is a lot of scientific evidence showing that insomnia results in much higher rates of depression and anxiety,” Berman says. “As you become sleep deprived, your ability to control mood is reduced. Thinking holistically, in order to maintain a positive outlook, having sleep is a key aspect as it helps to maintain hormone levels that will contribute to a positive attitude, such as serotonin and dopamine.” Berman recommends aiming for 7-9 hours nightly.

10. Write Down Negative Thoughts

“Take a look at the beliefs and thoughts you focus on and how they impact your mood,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Erika Fay, LMFT, over email with Bustle. “Take note of the ones that make you feel sad, negative or stuck. Writing down these thoughts can be therapeutic, as it’s a way of distancing them once written (you can even throw out the paper when done),” says Fay.

11. Say Positive Thoughts To Yourself

“Replace negative thoughts with something more positive,” says Fay. “Practice focusing on the positive thoughts. The more you practice, the easier it will be for these thoughts to become second nature.” Strive to say at least three positive thoughts about yourself each day, as it can make you feel happier and more confident during the day and help banish negative thoughts.

No matter how you’re feeling, or why your perspective is geared towards a more negative outlook, feeling happier and more positive will enhance your wellbeing and make you feel more satisfied with your life and your purpose within it. Remembering that perspectives can change based on personal control is powerful, so work towards striving for positivity as much as possible.