How to deal with the pressure to be happy

How to Deal With the Pressure to Be Happy

Many of us feel pressured to be happy and when we are not feeling optimistic and upbeat, we become disappointed; after all we failed at Happiness 101. It’s as though we don’t measure up to what’s expected of us: To want what we have and revel in it. In addition, research which used to focus on depression, is now focusing on happiness, particularly the health benefits like lower blood pressure, less inflammation, an improved immune system and of course, enhanced longevity. On the other hand, the media, which urges us to be happy for our well-being, bombards us with the negative and the tragic, emphasizing the worst in the news or in the lives of celebrities, dwelling on the horrific details to reinforce them in our imagination. How do we reconcile the two? Are we supposed to feel better or superior when other people’s homes burn to the ground, a flood or earthquake hits or a celebrity goes to rehab?

Traditional psychotherapy puts the spotlight on anxiety, anger, fear or guilt. However, the positive psychology movement is not concerned with reducing these negative symptoms, but instead draws attention to increasing one’s awareness of individual strengths, gratitude and the search for meaning. Positive psychology faces a real uphill battle since people are mesmerized, like moths to a flame, by what or who is going wrong in their lives. At a work/life balance workshop one of the attendees complained about the one coworker out of a staff of fifty who did not greet her in the morning. According to positive psychology she should be grateful for the other forty- nine, but she was not. In other words we don’t count our blessings, but we do count our losses.

Most of us compile literal or mental daily to-do lists which actually require more than twenty-four hours a day to complete. As a result, we go to sleep feeling under-accomplished and dissatisfied. However, what if every night we compiled a list of “Look What I Did Today?” Would we experience a shift in our thinking in a few weeks?

The buzz word in stress-management has always been balance. A good teacher writes a positive comment when criticizing a paper. Faith helps people restore the balance when bad things happen to good people. Humor helps people put hardships into perspective by reducing them with absurdity. And of course, with a little distance and checking how far we have come, looking back down the road: What seems to be bad may turn out to be good. It’s as though we need a civil review board to follow us around to objectively identify what is negative and positive when we have confused the two or can’t see the whole picture.

Pressure is a part of every day, whether it is a small, ordinary inconvenience or an overwhelming personal or professional burden that stretches over weeks, months and perhaps years. But only a small part of life is dictated by what happens to you, the vast majority of life is dictated by how you handle what happens to you. This principle also applies to pressure; it is inevitable, so its impact is dictated by how you react to it. Here are five healthy, productive ways to respond to pressure:

Prioritize

If you are confronted with a major source of pressure: a project, a personal crisis, etc., instead of thinking about the entire situation and getting overwhelmed, immediately start to break things down into steps, and determine what needs to be done right now and what can wait. Then determine what needs to be done first, second and third. Breaking up a larger situation into smaller tasks will make an overwhelming situation feasible, and as you check these things off of your to-do list you will gain composure and get a handle on things.

Foster Healthy Responses

When we are stressed and overwhelmed it is easy to fall into bad habits: eating and drinking unhealthy things, consuming too much caffeine, not sleeping, not exercising, generally not taking care of ourselves at all. It is easy to rationalize these habits when you’re stressed, but taking care of yourself when you’re under pressure actually gives you more energy and helps you focus. Make sure you’re eating fresh, healthy food like lean proteins, vegetables and healthy carbs, drinking lots of water and setting aside some time to exercise. Taking some time to meditate at the beginning and end of each day also helps clear your mind and is a peaceful, healthy way to beginning and end your day—especially when life is chaotic. Spend time with friends and family. Go outside and breathe fresh air. You will handle pressure with more focus and grace if you cultivate healthy responses to stress, and make sure to take care of yourself.

Set Boundaries

If you are under pressure because people are delegating too much work to you or are asking too much of you personally, it is time to draw some boundaries. With phones and laptops, many of us feel on-call 24/7. Maybe don’t answer emails after you go to bed, put your phone in another room. Try and manage the expectations of friends and family who ask a lot of you, so you are not burning the candle at both ends. If you haven’t spent time with your family because work has been hectic, tell them you will come over for dinner after your project deadline, and tell friends you haven’t seen in awhile the same. It lets people know you’re thinking about them while also giving yourself some space and time to finish work priorities.

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Take Time To Recharge

No one stays on the treadmill forever. We all have to set aside time to recover and recharge from life’s stressful and chaotic moments, whether it is simply sleeping in, going to get a massage, going outside to get fresh air or taking a vacation. No one is perpetually at the top of their game, when you are worn down, you will be a better person and professional if you take some time to recharge.

Seek Support

If life and work are simply too much for you to handle, you should reach out for help. Delegate some tasks to colleagues or people under you and tell your boss you’ve reached a breaking point. If you are struggling with some personal issues, if you have the means call a therapist who can help you work through them. Spend time with loved ones you will support and will help you through difficult and stressful times. You do not have to handle things by yourself, you can reach out for help.

“The only pressure I’m under is the pressure I’ve put on myself.” – Mark Messier

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy You know the feeling right away when pressure builds up. Your chest feels tight and you can’t breathe. Your thoughts and your heart may be racing. You get a knot in the pit of your stomach. You may even feel a headache or migraine coming on. Not only that but you also start clipping your words, speaking in escalating tones to get your point across or vent your frustration, or becoming inordinately quiet because you can’t find the right words to say or don’t want to say anything. Everyone experiences pressure. And everyone can benefit from more effective ways to deal with it.

Stop piling it on yourself.

What most people don’t realize is that they heap an enormous amount of pressure on themselves. Yet, here’s a crucial point: Others aren’t responsible for this burdensome load – we are. If we didn’t pile it on repeatedly we’d probably feel less constricted, miserable and unfulfilled. It’s just that we have such grand expectations for ourselves or constantly put ourselves in situations where we’re bound to get in over our heads, and consequently feel the pressure to succeed despite knowing we can’t.

Reduce the self-imposed burden of too much to do.

Why not reduce some of that burden? Take a few items off the massive to-do list and concentrate on doing those that have some reasonable likelihood of getting done with a focused and concerted effort. That way, at least something productive will result that you can feel good about. It’s also true that a few small tasks completed will add up to a feeling of accomplishment just as much as putting the finishing touches on a large and/or complicated or complex task, project, undertaking, effort or pursuit.

Know when it’s time to get busy.

Sometimes, though, we need a little self-prodding to overcome procrastination and get down to business. In this respect, a small amount of self-induced pressure is a good thing. That is, if we do something about it and don’t allow the pressure to carry over day after day without tending to the job we need to do.

Learn to recognize how much pressure you’re comfortable with.

How do you know when pressure is just enough and not too much? Pressure is OK when it doesn’t cause you to lose sleep, get sick to your stomach, to lash out at others, to try to cope with self-destructive behavior like drinking too much, gambling, doing drugs or some other addictive behaviors or activity. If you recognize that you are the one applying the pressure and know that it’s for a limited-duration, short-term task or project, it might be just fine. Note the emphasis on the caveat. It might be fine, or it might not be. Self-evaluation during the activity or pursuit is an effective way to keep tabs on your comfort level with the pressure you feel.

Guard against always-present pressure.

Where you don’t want to land is in a state of perpetual pressure, especially when you’ve pressured yourself to be super-productive in a work or home situation. That’s highly detrimental to your overall physical, emotional and psychological well-being . When pressure builds up, you must take some time to release some of it.

Go for a walk outside.
Have coffee with a friend.
Take in a movie.
Read an enjoyable book.
Get some extra sleep .
Indulge in a massage .
Engage in vigorous physical exercise.
Stimulate your mind with challenging mental gymnastics – work a crossword puzzle, play a game of Trivial Pursuit with family or friends.
Get in the practice of journaling.
Meditate , do yoga , deep breathing exercises.
Enrich your spirituality through prayer, thinking about your Higher Power, going to a religious institution.
Talk it over with your trusted allies, loving spouse or family members, friends, a therapist .

These are all healthy ways to release unwanted pressure and to feel reinvigorated and refreshed afterward. Just remember that it isn’t the technique you use to help eliminate pressure, but that you do employ steps you’ve found effective in the past. In other words, instead of suffering with the self-imposed or other-imposed pressure, do something proactive to allow it to dissipate.

How much control do any of us have over our happiness?

Posted May 12, 2017

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Smile! Turn that frown upside down. Chin up; everything will be okay. Keep calm and carry on. Think positive. Or as Bobby McFerrin sang years, ago, Don’t worry. Be happy. Such messages are everywhere. It seems as if the undergirding belief is: Just change your attitude and put a smile on your face, and everything will be fine. All of this “think positive” self-help business makes it seem as if a person’s happiness is and should be completely in their control.

In fact, the pressure to be happy is causing many people to be unhappy, which is a perverse irony. So much of what factors into our happiness, and our unhappiness, is beyond our control. This gets lost in much of the self-help industry’s messages.

The “think positive” approach tends to make happiness solely, or at least primarily, a feeling or attitude. There’s an underlying assumption that people should be able to generate, regulate, and direct their feelings. We should be able to control how we respond to events around us; this is the presumed mark of a mature person. If we cannot do so, or we stay stuck in a negative feeling, we are somehow responsible. If we are responsible for our feelings, and happiness and unhappiness are feelings, then we are responsible for our happiness and unhappiness. It becomes easy to blame people for being unhappy; they must somehow lack the ability or the willingness to corral their emotions. In a (mis)guided attempt to support such people or to exert some pressure to change, it becomes far too easy to lapse into platitudes.

It is true that we have control over our feelings, but this is not enough to ensure happiness.

Is happiness more than a feeling or attitude? What else could it be? These questions have challenged philosophers for millennia, and now psychologists grapple with them as well. Aristotle (384 B.C.-322 B.C.) understood happiness more as flourishing and living well. Happiness isn’t just a feeling or an attitude, but rather a way of living in the world. Happiness is activity—virtuous activity to be exact. Happiness is a consequence of how we live; it is neither a feeling nor an attitude/condition.

Further, Aristotle recognized that for people to be happy and flourish, they need to have certain internal and external goods. The internal good is good/virtuous character, which is an absolute necessity for flourishing. The external goods include wealth, health, and friends.

People can have all the external goods and be utterly miserable when they have the wrong sort of character;
People with the right sort of character can lack most of the external goods and still live well; and
Someone who lacks the external goods and is friendless, powerless, and ugly (his word) will have fewer opportunities to practice virtue, which means it is harder, though not impossible, to cultivate the good character (the internal good) necessary for flourishing.

On Aristotle’s account, happiness becomes something of a luxury for a select few who are the male citizens of the state. They alone have the external goods along with the time and opportunities to pursue activities that will make them better people. This conclusion should make all of us uncomfortable; we don’t like to think happiness is a luxury.

The language of “virtuous character” or “virtuous activity” might make some uneasy, especially since “virtuous” carries a lot of baggage in today’s usage. Think of it this way: Aristotle understood that each of us becomes who we are by what we do in relationships with others. We humans are social creatures who always are in relationships with particular others, broader communities, and societies. We cultivate interests and commitments with others and put them into practice. We create ways of being in the world that are meaningful and good. For example, many people find their volunteer work to be fulfilling and gratifying. It feels good to assist others. Many would say they feel good or are their best selves when they help others. Aristotle would regard this as virtuous activity.

Aristotle is right about the relationship between internal and external goods. The lack of external goods presents challenges to flourishing in the more sustained sense that Aristotle describes. Why do so many people lack those external goods, and how does this hinder someone from cultivating his character development? These were never Aristotle’s questions, but they are certainly mine.

We live in a world in which there is rampant oppression along the lines of race, sex, religion, and ability. These structural realities wear people down in physical, psychological, and spiritual ways. Too many people are marginalized, powerless, and exploited in the economic and political realms. Too many are utterly exhausted attempting to secure the basic necessities of life, which in turn makes it harder to nurture relationships. As a result, too many people lack opportunities to engage in activities that make us better people, in Aristotle’s sense.

In no way does this imply that oppressed people cannot cultivate good character. That would be patently false. Rather, it acknowledges some people face more obstacles and barriers to flourishing. To return to the volunteering example: When there is little time or energy left over, and volunteer opportunities are in short supply, people will not have access to those activities that many others find fulfilling and that make them better people.

Will positive thinking help? Will cultivating new attitudes help? It is true we can — to some degree — change our feelings and attitudes about oppressive structures, and this may help us to survive and even bring us some happiness. At times, we do need to keep calm and carry on. We need to keep our chins up. However, in order for more people to be happy, in Aristotle’s robust sense of living well, changing attitudes will not be sufficient. So long as so many people live with radical insecurity, happiness will be a luxury.

Grow Your Business, Not Your Inbox

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Dealing with pressure is something we all must do daily. For example, the pressure of making it to work on time, navigating traffic so you don’t get stuck yelling at other drivers and delivering your next presentation and not sounding hungover. Pressure pushes us and places demands on our physical, mental and emotional well-being that can feel, well, less than ideal.

We all must learn to perform under pressure to be not only successful, but effective. After all, pressure is such a natural occurrence that if we don’t learn to manage ourselves then we risk falling behind those who do (competitively speaking).

The common belief of dealing with pressure is to elevate your performance to that level and just “do better,” yet this hardly ever works out. We begin to think too much about the task at hand and what others think, then we place even more pressure upon ourselves to perform.

The startup world is certainly no different. In fact, there may be even greater pressure to deliver as an entrepreneur because, well, your survival — personally and professionally — depends on how well you deal with uncertainty. Here are four ways to ensure you’re on the right track:

1. Focus on the fundamentals.

You never really become better in the moment. With so much uncertainty glaring you in the face, developing new insights and awareness at the time of delivery is about as effective as reading a book at an all out sprint and remembering it. Instead of focusing on the pressure of the moment, focus on what you already know, on the content and on the skills and knowledge that put you at the forefront in the first place (not all at the same time, of course).

2. Redefine the value of pressure.

Rather than seeing the pressure of the moment as a threat toward your self-worth, look at it as an opportunity to challenge yourself. Have fun with it.

In the book Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Doing Your Best When It Matters Most, the authors note, “When you see the pressure situation as a challenge, you are stimulated to give the attention and energy needed to make your best effort.”

After all, will the world really end tomorrow if you don’t perform up to par today? Not likely — you’ll just have less friends (just kidding).

3. (Re)Affirm yourself.

Standing in front of the mirror telling yourself how great you are more often than you already do is a scientifically proven path toward enhanced self-confidence and self-efficacy.

In a study conducted by Stanford University, minority students in the seventh grade were asked to focus on the positive aspects of their lives — family, friends, hobbies — during times of relative stress such as the holidays, just before exams and at the start of the school year. The results? A 30 percent improvement in overall tests scores.

Who says vanity doesn’t help?

4. Reframe the task as temporary.

The self-imposed pressure of performing well often comes from the limiting belief of, “This is it! This is my one and only shot at success!” It isn’t. Nothing in life is certain, save death, taxes and bad city traffic. When you view a deliverable as a means to an end rather than the end itself, you see there’s wriggle room to learn, grow and improve. More so, you see a road ahead full of opportunities rather than a dead end.

Dealing with pressure ultimately boils down to personal perspective and the importance you place on the task at hand relative to your own self-identity and self-worth. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Some of you will try various approaches or even combine them to improve your positive emotions to feel fulfilled and energetic:

Exercise
Self-care
Creative fulfillment
Friends
Listening to music
Reframing your life story

Beware if you ever reveal too much happiness in public. Like when you are too cheerful or smiling all the time, people will become suspicious of you or call you the village idiot (which has happened to me). Hold on to your bliss! If you are genuinely happy, appreciating being above ground and what you have, no matter how little or simple, you are smiling not out of ignorance, but out of innocence. An innocence like that of Anne Frank who as a young girl knew all the Nazi realities about evil and mass destruction, yet wrote in her diary that deep down in spite of it all she believed people were good at heart. Anne Frank preceded Martin Seligman as a positive psychologist. So, how do you choose to see your world with ignorant or innocent eyes? For more information on learning to be happy, read my book, Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul. To listen to archived radio shows with guest experts visit Turn On Your Inner Light Radio Show

Content copyright © 2019 by Debbie Mandel. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Debbie Mandel. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Debbie Mandel for details.

Everyone feels parental pressure from time to time, but there comes a point when it becomes toxic and detrimental.

Parents are the ones who love and care for us most, and a little parental pressure is natural. They want us to succeed and become the best version of ourselves.

Yet, there are times when parents can be more hurtful than supportive. Some parental pressure is important to help us succeed and instill a strong work ethic as we grow. This makes it quite difficult to quite understand when parental pressure goes from encouraging to damaging.

We assume all that our parents do for us is positive because they are our parents and they love us. This article explores when parental pressure becomes too unhealthy and how we can deal with it effectively.

1. Lack of self-motivation

The irony of pushing children to succeed is that it creates a paradox where children associate hard work with parental pressure. They then don’t develop a work ethic of their own because they are not working for a goal of their own, they are working to please their parents.

This is detrimental to children as they age when parents are not there to push them. They lack sustainable motivation through further education and into their careers, reducing the chances of future successes.

Children under excessive parental pressure also become much more complaisant to their parents’ wishes. This replaces autonomous thinking and judgment, affecting their problem-solving capabilities and need for self-reliance.

Overall, too much parental pressure can remove the child’s ability to look inward to find strength and motivation. This will end up holding them back in their future endeavors.

2. Failure feels like the end of the world

Children who face unrelenting parental pressure begin to associate their identity strongly with their grades or the sport they play. If this becomes too entrenched in their personality, failing in academics or sport can cause their personality to fail also.

This leaves children who face too much pressure from parents twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

3. Too good to be true

The worst effect of too much parental pressure is those who appear to be completely happy and successful. These children are actually hiding behind a false front and a fake sense of self. Teens who are forced to succeed throughout school will fail to develop a real sense of who they are as a person.

This will lead to an identity crisis in the future when they have less parental pressure to maintain the façade.

Without real acceptance of who children are as an individual, they will be hard pushed to accept themselves. As a result, this can lead to a variety of mental health issues and recklessness as young adults.

How to deal with too much parental pressure

As a child

If you are currently dealing with too much parental pressure at home and want to take the problem head on, it’s time to talk to your parents. Try to remain calm and ask your parents to respect your views at the beginning of the conversation. Parents are much more likely to take on the opinions of their child when the conversation is approached maturely.

Be clear on your points and know the clear points you want to make, but don’t forget parents need a little reassurance, too. If you need them to back off a little with regard to academics, reassure them you will not allow your grades to slip. If you have an alternative idea for a university course or wish to defer a year, research all of your options and present them with evidence of your alternatives.

Showing that you are mature enough to understand your own decisions and accept their consequences will garner respect. Thus, you will find your parents will be much more accepting of your views.

Be willing to compromise a little. Allow them to monitor grades or take part in research with you. Ultimately, parents just want to be involved in ensuring the best path for their children. Allowing them to have input will help them feel as though they are helping you along your path.

As an adult

If you suffered from too much parental pressure as a child and are suffering the effects as an adult, it’s important to understand where it is that you suffer. If your self-esteem has taken a hit, or you’re not entirely sure who you are as an individual, take some time to find things you enjoy. Create successes in finding new things and finding what you’re good at.

Where your work ethic may be lacking, it is still possible to strengthen it. Practice working alongside rewards to build motivation and concentration.

Child-parent relationships can be incredibly complicated. It is a careful balance between support and encouragement, both of which can easily slip into babying and pressure.

Asserting yourself to a parent can seem scary, but it is all part of growing up. Parents are doing their best to raise their children. Sometimes they need a little input from their child to help them parent correctly.

References:

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

What Is Status Quo Bias and How It Leads You to a Mediocre Life – March 15, 2020
4 Most Interesting Theories of Intelligence in Psychology – March 9, 2020
Mere Exposure Effect: 3 Examples Show Why You Love Things You Used to Hate – January 4, 2020

When you’re ambitious, busy, and under pressure to perform, you can have multiple stressors in your life at one time. Many people worry that the stress of success is too much, but there are healthy and meaningful coping methods. To take your cues from the greats, follow these 12 ways successful people stay calm under pressure:

1. Make a short to-do list

Focus on what’s important, and limit the external noise, by keeping your to-do list to a 3-item high-priority list you can attend to realistically and focus on.

2. Understand your brain’s limitations

The brain can only successfully keep a short list of problems and thoughts together at the same time. Be realistic, go easy on yourself, and don’t expect yourself to carry every solution in your head at once–which brings us to:

3. Have an external organizer

Don’t hold all the ideas for working out your issues in your head. Keep everything in an external organizing system: digital calendar reminders, hand-written to-do list–however it works for you, keep a physical reminder of all your tasks, and you’ll find much less stress weighing you down.

4. Plan ahead

You’ll be much, much more prepared to face challenges when you’ve thought through steps to overcome them ahead of time. Be prepared for as many situations as you can think of; it will absolutely be to your advantage when the time arises.

5. Be optimistic

Part of remaining calm is controlling your own feelings–and it is possible. Find a way to look on the bright side of situations, and you’ll find your outlook will be more positive.

6. Take care of your body

Getting the proper amount of sleep is one of the most important things you can do to ensure optimal cognitive function and mood; sleep well, eat well, and exercise. You’ll feel balanced and calmer.

7. Ask for help

No one can handle everything alone, and truly successful people understand that. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your trusted network or coworkers for assistance when situations are getting out of control.

8. Re-frame negative thoughts

Train yourself to be calmer by tackling negative thoughts head-on. Put each situation in perspective by stopping the alerted, frantic worries, and instead reminding yourself: This can be handled. This is not the end of the world. First, I’ll do X. Then, I’ll do Y. and so on, until you’re feeling empowered.

9. Breathe

Put a pause on the crisis. Breathe in, breathe out, and slowly count to ten. It’s an age-old suggestion that truly works. When you give yourself a moment, you’ll clear your mind of worries and give your brain a moment to recalibrate so that you can approach the problem in a calm way.

10. Use positive body language

Your body language has been shown to have a real effect on your brain’s outlook. So, smile and adopt a power pose. Soon, the feeling will be real.

11. Be patient

Understand that not all problems are solved easily, but that they can be solved. The solution is available, but it may take some time. Accept this, and it will no longer control you.

12. Be grateful

This is major in terms of overall happiness: people who are grateful, more than any other factor, are happy and have a positive outlook on life. Like the most successful people, take the time to count your blessings every day–you’ve earned it!

With these proven 12 tips taken you will find your outlook on life improve for a greater sense of calm and confidence.

Have you ever wondered what the ‘ship’ in ‘relationship’ means? It refers to the fact that a relationship can either float or sink. Okay, that isn’t entirely true, but it’s a useful way to think about the effects of pressure in a relationship. Read on for some tips to help you keep your relationship afloat, and what to do if you feel unsafe.

This can help if:

you want to learn about some of the common pressures in relationships
you want some tips for dealing with relationship pressures
you want to understand where the tension in your relationship is coming from
you’re in (or about to get into) a relationship that you’re not sure about.

What kinds of pressures exist in a relationship?

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend can be great, but there are a whole bunch of things that can get in the way of feeling content and happy.

Internal pressures can come from things like differences in culture or age, jealousy, lack of compromise, and unreasonable or unfulfilled expectations.

External pressures can come from people or factors outside of the relationship itself, such as study or work, illness, money, family and friends.

Tips for keeping your relationship afloat

Work out what pressures, internal and external, are affecting your relationship. Then, when you’re ready, try some of the following strategies to help relieve the pressure and keep your relationship afloat.

Communicate with each other

We have smartphones and airplanes, and yet there’s still no device that helps us to read minds! So, the next best thing is to communicate by using words.

How is your partner supposed to know what’s wrong if you don’t tell them? If something is bugging you, let them know in a calm manner. You can then try to resolve the issue together.

Learn to compromise

You can’t always get what you want. Talk with your partner to figure out the stuff that’s really important to each of you, and the stuff that isn’t such a big deal.

It might be hard to accept that someone you’re close to doesn’t care about all the same things you do. But, as with everything, compromise becomes easier with practice.

Reassure your partner of your feelings for them

Everybody likes to hear how much they’re loved. If you know that you feel the same way about each other, the relationship will tend to flow more smoothly and problems such as jealousy will be less likely to arise.

Get a fresh perspective

Sometimes it can be handy to view your relationship from a fresh perspective. By talking to someone who’s not directly involved in the relationship, such as friends or family, you might be able to see the situation in a different way and find the pressures easier to deal with.

Don’t be afraid to spend time apart

Sometimes the best thing for a couple is to spend some time away from each other. After all, you can’t miss someone if they’re always around.

Don’t try to work things out when either of you is angry

It’s almost impossible to work things out in a mature fashion when one of you is angry. You’re more likely to say something unkind that you’ll later regret. Try to change the topic of conversation, or walk away and revisit the issue later on when you’re both feeling calmer.

Respect your differences

Differences in culture, religion or opinion can be the source of difficulties or friction in relationships. Instead of rejecting the unfamiliar, make an effort to understand it and to embrace it. Differences between partners can make things more interesting and unpredictable. You might even learn a thing or two.

Sort out any problems with your family

If your family doesn’t approve of your relationship, you need to ask yourself why.

Is it because they worry that you might get hurt in some way? Or maybe they simply don’t understand your relationship and how you feel about it.

Be clear about what you think, feel and want. Describe your situation in a way that will help them understand it better. If you’re honest, calm and respectful, they will be more likely to hear what you have to say and to believe you. Try to understand their point of view; it may make them more willing to see yours.

Parents won’t always see things your way. However, if they see that you’re acting in a mature manner, they’ll be more likely to accept that you’re capable of making big decisions for yourself.

The deal breakers

Emotional and/or physical abuse is never acceptable in any relationship, and violence is against the law. If your relationship has become unhealthy and you feel unsafe, seek help immediately.

Other things that your partner might be doing that also need immediate attention include:

making you feel disrespected
not being open and honest
disregarding what’s important to you.

Working through relationship pressures can be really hard. If these tips don’t work for you, you might want to seek professional help so that you can work together to get to the bottom of what’s going on and try to fix it.

What can I do now?

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How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

We all live in a cobweb of social networks. You as an individual have demands and needs from the society but think about it-you as a puzzle piece of your surroundings are a part of fulfilling the same for someone else. There is a continuous give and take amongst different members and species existing on our planet.

The pattern of such interactions declares our status in society and also, determines the kind of lifestyle we lead. It is only when you jump into the deeper side of the pool; you’ll know that this is the same thing that causes stress, depression, anxiety and all sorts of other life pressures.

What is pressure in daily life?

Psychologically speaking- pressure is the strain one feels when over-burdened with expectations of performing well. In simpler terms, you might want to call pressure as that feeling of going crazy because you have too much on your plate.

For example- A child who scored well in an examination might feel pressurized to perform well in other upcoming tests and maintain his ‘good grader’ status or the mental uneasiness and stress you feel when loaded with deadlines at your workplace-this is all pressure.

What causes pressure in daily life?

By reading the above paragraphs, you might have a rough idea, so let us jot down these points one by one.

1. Expectations other people want you to fulfill

2. Demands we make from ourselves

3. Goals we set for accomplishing

4. Satisfying the proffer and clasp chain

5. Maintaining the status quo in your surroundings

6. Growing your authority and reputation

7. Inability to meet the urgings of the daily routine

8. When your real self and ideal self-are not consistent

9. Lack of resources and availabilities to live up to all your interpersonal and intrapersonal needs.

How pressure affects us in daily life?

Any psychological trouble causing mental health and emotional health problems is obvious. These illnesses are like an invisible enemy sucking out your wellbeing slowly. However, apart from these following are the effects, pressure forces you to witness and go through-

1. Poor performance

5. Troubled interpersonal relationships

6. Intrapersonal issues

How to deal with pressure in daily life?

Now that we’re through with the causes and effects, it is time to focus on the remedying angle of this article, so here is how you can tackle all that pressure in an easy-breezy way-

1. Check your resources and capabilities before committing

2. Set your goals and aspirations as per your availabilities

3. Trigger identification

4. Time management

5. Acceptance of the fact that you cannot change certain things

One of the most lightly taken concept and trouble-pressure has the ability to snatch away your mental equilibrium and general peace. It is under various kinds of mental pressure that many people end their lives. This casual sounding term is a weapon that is assassinating the smiles of many. In the modern world we are all burdened with zillions of demands and so it becomes extremely pivotal to tackle all this the right way.

5 strategies singles use to deal with social and familial pressure

Posted Feb 12, 2019

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Many singles are pressured to marry. But this pressure is unjustified. It is growingly acceptable that being single can be just fine. Those who are single do not necessarily feel pitiful, alone, abandoned, or unlucky. They perceive themselves as attractive, articulate, well-educated, handsomely employed—and just happy to live on their very own.

I interviewed 142 singles in Europe and the U.S. and analyzed several large databases for my book, Happy Singlehood. My research showed me that singles are using several strategies to defy social pressure, very successfully.

Awareness

The first strategy is simple to understand yet quite hard to implement: awareness of social and familial pressure. Happy singles are those who are aware of the social pressure they experience. In fact, awareness was the first step they took to deal with their situation and to confront social pressure. One study found that singles who increased their awareness of potential stigmatization of singles also took steps to validate their self-worth and improve their happiness.

The problem is that many singles do not recognize they are stigmatized, simply because no one talks about singles’ rights. The same research found that only 4% of singles spontaneously listed “singles” as a stigmatized group, and when explicitly asked whether singles were stigmatized, only 30 percent of singles and 23 percent of coupled people agreed. In contrast, 100 percent of gay males, 90 percent of obese individuals, 86 percent of African-Americans, and 72 percent of women acknowledged that their group was stigmatized.

Inner Optimism and Positive Self-Perception

Having a positive outlook was a central theme throughout my interviews and agreed with evidence from other cases on how optimism is important for singles’ wellbeing. This sounds quite obvious, right? But many singles may worry about not having the seemingly “safety net” that comes with spouses and children, and thinking this way only increases the pressure on singles to conform to others’ norms and reduces their emotional wellbeing.

To counter that, there is a need to develop positive thinking that promotes internal assurance and a sense of self-reliance. Although optimism is not something singles can simply turn on in their minds, there are many ways to adopt such positive views. A meta-analysis of 39 studies shows that positive psychological interventions have helpful effects on subjective perceptions of well-being, measured at three and six-month intervals following the intervention. For singles, these practices might be even more beneficial for the development of a positive self-perception exactly because singles’ problem often relates to social pressure. In my study, an unmarried person with positive self-perception reports close to a 30 percent increase in happiness over an unmarried person without positive self-perception.

Choosing Single-Friendly Environments

The happy singles I met were those who found communal living arrangements or supportive environments to fit in, surrounding themselves with other like-minded people. Such environments promote privacy, which allows singles to avoid negativity, while also providing myriad opportunities to connect with others. These singles enjoy numerous social and recreational activities, without the expectation or requirement of having a partner. The creation of single-friendly settings is not limited to the younger generations, and single-friendly networks are also prevalent among middle-aged and senior singles. In places such as Los Angeles, London, and Tokyo it is often considered “cool” to live on your own, regardless of one’s age. Many cities join them and are developing more single-friendly environments and opportunities to all age cohorts. As the options for single-friendly environments grow, singles deliberately seek out such safe spaces to improve their self-perception and, consequently, their overall levels of well-being.

Defiance of Discriminatory Practices

Valentine’s Day is only one peak of ongoing social and familial pressures to couple up. Even at work, there are many cases where singles are required to work extra hours because they are assumed to have “no life.” Coworkers often assume that singles don’t have to leave in time because they aren’t rushing home to a partner or family. Of course, no one forbids singles to remain unmarried but the pressure and judgment are sometimes so intense that they feel they must pursue a lifestyle that does not fit their needs.

Yet singles should feel comfortable enough to directly defy such pressure and discriminatory practices. Such an approach is certainly not new to many groups of ethnic or sexual minorities, and rightly so. These groups are often used to fighting for their rights and place in society, and are now receiving recognition by many governments and institutions. Singles may face the same types of pressures to conform and should fight creatively and individually against such practices, advocating for acceptance. The happy singles I met were often able to change others’ perspective by pointing out that there is more than one way to live. Some even called to promote the singles’ movement for independence and freedom to remain unmarried and receive equal treatment.

Empowerment

It often seems that there are many workshops or strategies that are designed with the intention of improving or prolonging marriages and couplehood. For singles, such ideas are fewer and farther between. Considering some of the latest research, it certainly seems like this concept could be very beneficial to singles as well. Addressing the feelings and needs of singles is just as important as addressing those of couples. There is substantial evidence indicating that empowering actions, such as attending a course, participating in a workshop, or taking consulting sessions, can improve the ability to face social pressure more effectively. Empowering singles is not only about feeling good with being single, but also about the ability to contextualize social attitudes and to understand that today’s singles are the majority of the adult population in many countries.

Tom Daley has backed himself to thrive on the pressure of being a Team GB poster boy at this summer’s London Olympics.

The 18-year-old diving medal hope is one of the most high profile members of Great Britain’s squad heading into their home Games and all eyes will be on the teenager when he competes in the 10 metre individual and synchro events in the capital.

Indeed, Daley’s marketability has proved somewhat problematic at times, with British Diving performance director Alexei Evangulov criticising his commitments away from the pool earlier this year.

However, Daley told Press Association Sport: “There’s always pressure and expectation on anyone going into any competition. But I’ve just got to focus on doing the best six dives that I possibly can. I love pressure. In a competition, when someone does a good dive in front of you, you want to try to beat it. So I enjoy that kind of pressure.

“In terms of media pressure that we’ve had so far, with everyone expecting that you just walk into the competition and win gold, that is kind of different. But all I can do is focus on my own performance. I can’t worry about any of that.”

Daley competed at the Beijing Olympics four years ago in a blaze of publicity and insists that experience will prove crucial this time around.

He said: “Everything that I learned in Beijing has taught me to go into an Olympic Games treating it like a normal competition and not let the whole Olympic rings thing and the fact there are so many people watching me overwhelm me.

“So for me, Beijing was an amazing experience to have in preparing me for these Olympics. My form leading into the Olympics has been pretty good so far, so touch wood it will carry on like that.

Daley and Evangulov reportedly patched up their differences quickly after their brief spat and the Russian is pleased with his charge’s progress, saying: “Today I can confirm that the expectation that we have of Tom can come true, because he is ready not only technically and physically but also psychologically.

“He is ready. Also our pairing of Tom and Peter Waterfield is very strong. In the last World Series they were always in a medal position. I can even say that we scared a lot of our rivals. That’s why we’re happy where we are now.”

Life has a way of creating anxious moments. It might be waiting for the results of an exam. It might come from rumors of layoffs at work. It could be as simple as your pay check will not getting you through the month.

The Root of Anxiety

My wife and I once felt anxiety like this. We desperately wanted to have children. We had been married for four years before our first daughter was born. We wanted another child and were excited that my wife was pregnant again.

Unfortunately, something went wrong and she endured a miscarriage. More miscarriages followed. Soon we were not excited about pregnancy. We felt anxious, afraid and overwhelmed each time she became pregnant. That anxiety crept into every area of our lives.

Life creates many anxious moments. But when the pressures of life continually increase, you may feel anxious all of the time. The pressure can be so great that you wonder if you will be able to carry the load of anxiety even one step further.

There is Hope!

You can find relief from the anxiety that controls you. It may not be easy to see right now, but anxiety does not need to rule your life. My wife and I brought our fears and concerns to God. Jesus Christ gave us peace. In the Bible, the Apostle Peter gives those of us who battle anxiety great hope. He tells us, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you,” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV).

Knowing that God cares for us and that He can lift us out of our anxiety is life-changing. My wife and I learned to bring our worries and fears to Jesus each day. When she became pregnant again, we brought our anxieties to Jesus every time they arose. Before long, our first son was born, healthy and full of life! Best of all, because we brought our anxiety to Jesus, You can overcome anxiety.

You can overcome anxiety. Begin by taking your problems to Jesus knowing that He cares for you. Ask Him to become Lord of your life and take away the pain of wrong decisions. Ask Him for new life and to help you live without fear. It may take time, but remember that Jesus loves you and can help you live without anxiety.

Pray with me:

Dear Jesus, I feel so anxious about my life. I am tired of thinking about everything going wrong. I need to change the way I live and think. Please forgive me for the wrong things I have done. I want You to be My Lord and Savior. Help me make a new start in life. Please take my anxiety and help me discover peace that comes from knowing You. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

If you prayed that prayer, please click the button that says: “Yes, I prayed.” We would love to know more about your story.

Aug 29, 2016 – 09:37 pm By Staff Reporter

Chiefs have started the season poorly, losing 2-1 to Bidvest Wits in their league opener before getting knocked out of the MTN8 by newly formed Cape Town City last week.

Asked if he was feeling the heat, Komphela told a press conference: “What I don’t want to go through, I don’t want to adapt to pressure, that I don’t end up feeling the pressure, in the sense that there won’t be any production.

“The essence of pressure is to push you to a certain level. But if you get used to being under pressure for far too long, you end up adapting to the conditions of pressure and it doesn’t move you. I want to be within pressure but I think the environment, you get used to it. To be honest with you only when I come across the question itself that you end up feeling pressure. You just have to do your job, focus on the job.

“Football is a funny business, because if you focus on things on the outside, you will lose sight of the bigger picture,” he continued. “So I am focused on the job. Pressure will always be there; show me any of the coaches in the PSL who are not under pressure.”

Meanwhile, Komphela wants his charges, especially his strikers, to embrace the heavy expectations at Naturena.

“I wish I could put my finger on that,” he said of the side’s struggles in front of goal. “You never know what goes on in a man’s mind. I don’t put them under pressure because the minute you highlight it, it swallows them.

“They are seasoned professionals these guys. They know the minute you get signed with the team that they just have to embrace the pressure. Let them enjoy the moment, and as soon as they start winning they will feel that pressure turning into pleasure.”

Chiefs’ next league match is at home to Platinum Stars on Wednesday, September 14.

The family: a traditional source for love, advice, kind words, emotional support and apple pie. Also, quite often, a real pain in the ass when it comes to living the life you want. Let’s face it: you probably owe your family a lot, but at the same time, there are at least one or two big ways you feel it’s sabotaging your dreams.

I know in my family, I constantly felt pressure, especially from my dad, to live a certain way. The more I found out what I really wanted, the more I discovered it was not that way, and the pressure grew. Until at one point, I decided to move out of the family house completely, set some firm boundaries in the relationship with my parents and live exactly how I wanted.

My dad is still not very happy with how I spend my time, what I eat, the fact I have my own business instead of a regular job. Despite that, we now get along pretty well, and at the same time I don’t succumb to family pressure. This is how I do it and what I also teach others.

Most of the time, close family members like your parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters have positive intentions in trying to push you in a certain direction. They mean well, they do it out of love. But, this doesn’t mean they also do the right thing for you. I think there are 2 major problems with how families often guide their children.

They try to keep them in the safe zone. They don’t want them to do anything risky or unconventional. They encourage them to choose the career filed in which you can find the biggest salaries, and you can get a job even if you’re half retarded, ignoring what the children really want, can and like to do.
They spread out-of-date wisdom. Because our society has changed so much in the last decade, it’s very probable that older family members like parents in their 50’s or 60’s have understandings of things which no longer applies. Yet they continue to believe in them firmly, and to guide their children using these understandings.

The results you get is a lot of family pressure directing you in the wrong direction. And this doesn’t apply just to teenagers, who are still kind of immature and financially dependent on their parents. Most mature, experienced and financially independent adults I know also get this kind of pressure from their families, and they often give in to it.

Family pressure can be a powerful, hard to ignore factor for most people, applied with incredible skills. The good news is there is way to effectively deal with family pressure and live the life you want. Here are the main things which can help you:

Put some distance between you and the rest. If you’re living in the same house with your parents or grandparents (which in today’s world is common even for married people) and you see them every day, it’s hard not to succumb to their pressure. Make moving out at priority, save the money it takes and do it.

Realize you don’t need to please your family. There is this false belief that because you family is, well… your family, you must get along perfectly with every family member. You don’t. It’s a myth. There’s nothing wrong with upsetting dad once in a while or not living up to mom’s dream for you to be a doctor.

Learn to communicate assertively. Assertive communication is one the most valuable people skills you can have. It allows you to express yourself in a clear, direct way, but from a position of respect for others, and it’s a great way to deal with all the criticizing and negative comments you can get from family members which are not happy with your actions.

But these points are really only a frame to set for rising above family pressure. The most important thing is action. This is YOUR life, not your parents’ life. And while they’re not to be completely ignored, it’s only naturally to live the way YOU want.

LEINSTER SHC (First Round): Louth v Longford (tomorrow, Portlaoise, 3.50pm)

When you are a dual inter-county player, you learn to expect this question. Are you a footballer first or a hurler?

“That’s a very difficult question and one I’ve been asked I don’t know how many times,” the Longford man explains. “I love the skill level in the game of hurling and I will always play it. I really do enjoy the game. My club team, Wolfe Tones, would be one of the biggest hurling teams in the county and all through the years, even though it is only Longford and Division Four hurling, the club scene is always very competitive.

“There is a great rivalry between each team and there is great importance given to hurling and that has been built into me during the years. I love the game. I always have. If I had to choose one I wouldn’t be able to do it. I love the buzz that comes with playing football for the county.”

This is the first year that Hannon has attempted to traverse the dual star tightrope. Football is county’s unchallenged kingpin but he has coped so far thanks to the commitment to compromise and communication between the two management teams. With fixtures falling on the same day, the league was always going to make or break his dual ambitions but he fought through it and has emerged relatively unscathed.

The workload has been considerable. Training with the footballers has sucked in three or four nights of his week for months now and he has been clocking another evening with the hurlers to boot. A recent civil engineering graduate, he has been lucky to have the backing of an understanding boss but he is still only 23 and the view is that the dual role is not something a player can keep up indefinitely.

“If you have a lot of work and family commitments, I could see that being the case. With Longford in Division Four the commitment wouldn’t be as great as if you were playing in Division One. Still, our hurling season runs until July with the Lory Meagher Cup and then you have the league as well but as long as you are winning you don’t mind playing and you would hope it stretches for as long as it can.”

If the Division Three NFL table is any indicator, Hannon won’t have to split his loyalties for too long but he invites you to dig a little deeper through their spring campaign.

“We were there or thereabouts in a lot of matches, especially against Limerick. We felt we should have taken that game, we had the chances, and the biggest loss we had was by three points. So, there was very little between all the teams and it gives you great hope when you see the likes of Antrim and Sligo going straight up from Division Four and you had Tipp going straight to Division Two as well.

“Look at Down, they were a Division Three team not so long ago and now they’ve gone straight up to Division One. It just shows that if you get it together there is very little in it.”

A midfielder or half-forward with the hurlers, Hannon is corner-back with the footballers but the attention right now is on their forward line.

Brian Kavanagh, a former All Star and their billboard attacker, is named in tomorrow’s tie despite suffering a broken bone in his ankle last month and Paul Barden is entering another summer surrounded by talk of his fitness rather than his talent.

With that in mind, younger men like Francie McGee will shoulder a disproportionate share of the burden for scores in Portlaoise but Hannon is of the belief that the well runs deeper than some might think. A small handful of the panel have experienced the rigours of the Sigerson Cup and, in Glenn Ryan, there is a manager whose own playing record has demanded immediate and unwavering respect.

Louth come to the table with a fast-running game and glimmers of hope after two encouraging O’Byrne Cup campaigns but Hannon is confident of success even if victory tomorrow will bring its own difficulties.

“Unfortunately, if we are successful against Louth I wouldn’t be able to play the first round of the Lory Meagher as that is fixed for June 5 which is the same day as the football quarter-final. It is a nice problem to have. As long as we are winning, that is all I am worried about.”

Better in-the-moment responses towards difficult family members.

Posted Jan 26, 2018

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

“Families are like fudge…mostly sweet with lots of nuts.”

After the holidays, I see a lot of people recovering from spending too much time with their families. Before the holidays, they mistakenly thought to themselves, “This year will be different; this year we’ll have a nice time together.” But then it’s never different. The time they spent with their families was like walking on hot coals; they couldn’t wait for it to be over. It’s like all their reasoning and maturity went away when faced with close-minded comments and overly opinionated uncles. Then, to top it all off, they get mad at themselves for letting these things bother them. Can you relate?

Feeling overly agitated, like you’re going to burst whenever you’re around family, isn’t a new phenomenon. However, there are ways to better prepare yourself any time you have an unwanted family reunion.

Dealing with stressful situations in the moment

So, your annoying aunt asks why you aren’t married yet, or your parents scream at you to help them with something before you’ve even had a chance to close the door. Going in with a clear mind and making a deal with yourself to take on any situation in a rational way is a good start, no matter how you’re greeted. But at the same time, it’s important to acknowledge that you have the right to naturally get upset by others’ unthoughtful actions. The crucial part is knowing that just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate.

A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. Breathe out, and disengage by remaining factual. If your parents are asking you to run off and help with something, tell them you’ll look into it after you close the door and are able to say hi to everyone, or maybe even after you eat. If your pushy aunt asks you why you’re still single, make a joke. If you’re too agitated, just say you’ll talk about it later. That will give you time to relax and think about how you want to deal with the situation if you want to talk about it at all.

Sometimes just acknowledging that you’re annoyed is enough to give you room to deal with the frustration and anger. If it’s not enough, practice a coping skill like deep breathing, or talk yourself down from the situation by telling yourself, “They don’t mean to be annoying,” or, “Things will calm down once I get settled.”

Develop a strong sense of self

When people fail to develop a strong self, their well-being and functioning usually depend on what others say or don’t say, instead of on what they personally think. Essentially, their sense of self-vanishes in the presence of others, especially in the presence of family. This happens because many people try to manage the anxiety of everyone in their family instead of their own. It would better serve them to look inside themselves and see how they’re managing and feeling, rather than being so concerned with others’ behaviors. When we lack a strong sense of self, we want to be and do what everyone in our family expects of us. Ignoring our own needs results in an experience of anxiety and discomfort whenever we’re surrounded by multiple family members at once.

Ask yourself, “What difference would it make if I held the belief that the people in my family can handle themselves?” Change happens when you shift the way you view a situation. Whenever an issue or argument arises in your family, do you get uncomfortable? Do you think you have to ease the situation and be the one to carry the conversation? Do you get uncomfortable when others get agitated? Then, when you can’t stand being with your family, do you believe the only solution is to distance yourself and ignore them? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you’re emotionally connected to others. This is normal, of course; however, there are ways you can better regulate your reactivity towards your family while staying emotionally connected to them.

By developing a sense of self, you build the ability to self-regulate and better manage your anxiety, which brings about changes that allow you to be less reactive to your family members; thus, your need for everything to go smoothly decreases, as do your expectations and feelings of distress.

Feeling less stressed around family is all about learning to manage your own part in your relationships with others, instead of trying to manage everyone else’s feelings. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. What a lot of us unknowingly do is adjust our internal functioning to help keep our family in harmony, which has adverse effects on how we feel about ourselves. By paying attention to your body, mind, and emotions when you’re interacting with your family, you become capable of balancing your co-occurring needs for togetherness and individuality.

Remember, you don’t have to always agree with your family.

Family is family; they can be a source of comfort or the main source of stress at times, but they’re still a big part of your life. We think that we should agree all the time and get along in order to be a nice, functional family. However, there’s no rule that says you have to get along with everyone in your family all the time. Being related doesn’t mean you’ll get along in every situation, share the same political views, or even enjoy each other’s company.

It’s a fantasy to assume that just because there’s a family event, you automatically have to become a picture-perfect family to enjoy it. You’re only responsible for yourself. So be kind and respectful, but don’t force yourself neglect your true views out of fear that someone else will have a different opinion. Be strong enough to excuse yourself if a conversation gets out of hand, and spend more time with your favorite cousins or siblings.

Remember, when a difficult family situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isn’t particularly helpful. Work on being who you want to be, even when you’re around people who have different opinions or make annoying remarks; that includes responding in ways that are suitable for you and beneficial to your functioning and health.

Whether your relationship ended yesterday or months ago, the thought of dealing with holiday gatherings after a breakup can seem like an absolute nightmare. This time of year brings with it all sorts of expectations, which have a way of highlighting negative emotions. Add in prying questions from family, stress, and loneliness, and it can make for a tough time.

There is good news, though, in that it’s possible to see family and attend events without it feeling too painful. And while it may seem counterintuitive, the best way to start is by acknowledging your sadness. “It’s hard to feel grief when other people don’t want us to be sad, or when it’s not socially acceptable to be sad,” April Bennett, M.A., Ed.S, LPC, a licensed professional counselor, tells Bustle. But that’s precisely what you need to do.

Instead of tamping it down or forcing yourself to forget about your ex, set aside time to feel sad about the loss each day. Whether you journal or just sit and think, it’ll be a way of allowing yourself to have that emotion, Bennett says, which can be helpful when it comes to managing it.

“It hurts more to go through a breakup during the holidays because there is pressure to be happy, and when we don’t allow our sad feelings space, they actually increase,” Bennett says. “It also hurts because there is a particular focus on couplehood and family during the holidays, and many people around us may be getting engaged or celebrating their families. It’s particularly important to care for ourselves well around our sadness.” And that can include reaching out to friends.

If you have a few parties to attend, see if a friend will come along as a plus one. Make it all about having a good time together, and ask if they can find ways to keep you distracted. Planning events that maybe aren’t related to the holidays can also be a big help, like movie nights or a quick weekend away. This can give you something to look forward to, while also giving you the energy to cope with whatever else the season might throw your way, like prying questions from family who may be wondering what happened to your partner, why you aren’t married, etc.

“A good way to handle this is to set a boundary,” Leah Abrusci, MS, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder and clinical director at Steeped in Hope Marriage and Family Therapy, tells Bustle. “If you don’t want to talk about it, there is no rule saying you have to. Lovingly tell your (typically well-intentioned) family member that you appreciate their thoughts and that you don’t want to talk about it. And then hold to it.”

Of course, not everyone will take no for an answer. “You know your family,” Becca Hirsch, MA, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. “You probably know ahead of time who has no self-awareness or boundaries and asks inappropriate questions, and who will support you or back you up.” Stick to the ladder group, get away from the others, and then bring it all back to taking good care of yourself.

“Take a walk, write in a journal, listen to a mindfulness meditation, talk to a friend or an empathetic sibling or cousin, and do what you can to be in a relaxed and present head-space,” Hirsch says. “Also, give yourself this opportunity to reflect on some possible answers to questions that may come up about your relationship status, such as, ‘IвЂ™m satisfied with my life right now, including my romantic life. Thank you for asking.’ Or, ‘IвЂ™m doing my best, and I appreciate your concern.'”

And if all else fails, have an exit strategy for holiday gatherings that are doing more harm than good. “As much we can try our best to plan ahead and practice mindfulness and self-care, family gatherings can be triggering for many of us,” Hirsch says. “You can always go to the bathroom and text a friend who may be in the exact same position youвЂ™re in, take 10 deep breaths, remind yourself how awesome you are and itвЂ™s absolutely OK youвЂ™re single, and youвЂ™re doing your best.”

Holiday gatherings can be difficult when you’re going through a breakup, but you will get through them вЂ” and may even find a way to enjoy the holidays in a different way вЂ” by keeping these tips in mind.

Leah Abrusci, MS, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder and clinical director at Steeped in Hope Marriage and Family Therapy

Becca Hirsch, MA, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist

May 8, 2018 by Sandi Schwartz 2 Comments
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How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy Many parents would agree that pressure is a dirty word. From an early age, the pressure put on our kids from school and friendship can lead to issues such as childhood anxiety and cause problems with self-esteem and performance. We will never be able to relieve our children of all this pressure–and we wouldn’t want to because they will always face it to some extent in their lives.

Instead, we can give them several tools to help them develop coping skills when they feel the pressure weighing down on them. As always, if they continue to struggle, consider seeking medical advice.

Play With Time

Much of the pressures we face in life have time limits, whether it be math tests in elementary school or huge choices like college application deadlines. As such, you should ensure that your children feel comfortable performing under time pressures.

You can make this a fun exercise by playing games in which they are challenged to complete multiple tasks before a timer goes off. This could be an obstacle course, treasure hunt, trivia quiz, or a cooking challenge. You could even sign them and their friends up for an escape room event where they will have to work as a team to answer questions, find clues, and determine a way out of the room within one hour. These small tasks are enjoyable for the entire family, while also providing practical benefits related to time management. Through activities like these, your calm child will learn to make the best decisions possible, even with the clock ticking.

Encourage A Love Of Sports

There are many reasons why you should want your kids to play sports. In addition to health benefits, group sports develop teamwork. And, although it’s less obvious, they also go a long way towards getting your little one used to performing under pressure. Of course, a friendly catch in the park with a parent won’t have the same impact as an arranged baseball game with a league. By joining a team, your kids will adjust to playing under scrutiny and dealing with pressure to do well on the field. All you need to do is encourage them as much as you can in a positive way. Buy some equipment and seek local classes to get your kids started on their team building and competitive (yet friendly and fun) sports skills.

Take Mindful Breaks

Mindfulness activities are effective tools for our kids to tap into when they feel overwhelmed. Mindfulness means being fully present in the moment in a non-judgmental way. We can help our kids build coping skills by learning how to practice mindfulness in a number of ways, including mindful coloring, color meditation, mindful eating, breathing exercises, and yoga. It is especially helpful to incorporate some mindfulness into your children’s afterschool routine to give them that much-needed space between their school day and evening activities.

Embrace Decisions

Nothing brings more pressure than a difficult decision. Yet, we often try to stop our children from having to make tough choices. When they are young, we decide what they wear, where they go, what activities they participate in, and who they invite to their birthday party. By letting them take the reins as they get older, this will help them learn how to more effectively deal with typical decision pressures.

Don’t worry, these don’t have to be life-changing decisions that you turn over to your kids. Consider allowing them to help choose a new color paint for their bedroom or which toy to purchase for their friend’s birthday. Before you know it, they will be able to make significant decisions without always relying on you or feeling stressed out about it.

How do you keep your kids calm and able to cope with pressure?

Introduction: How to Be Happy

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy. If the focus isn’t on the money, but on the jobs that bring the money, those jobs are generally thought to make people happy. People strive for that perfect relationship, the perfect house, the beautiful body, the approval of others, all in an attempt to be happy. Sometimes these things make us happy; other times, we stress over not having reached our goals, or we reach them and find that we’re still not happy. Other times, we focus so intensely on one goal that’s thought to bring happiness that we don’t have time for other things in our life that will make us truly happy. This can all be confusing, and begs the question: how does one reach the goal of being happy?

Happiness can indeed be cultivated in several ways. In addition to adding happiness-inducing elements to your lifestyle, you can also work on your habitual thought patterns, and more. The following is a step-by-step guide that can help you explore the current state of your life, assess how truly happy you are, and find a direction to work toward that will likely bring more happiness. You’ll also find resources and tips for reaching your happiness goals and setting new ones. These pages are the gateway to a life that truly makes you happy.

Look At Your Life: Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?

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Positive Psychology experts—those who study human happiness and the factors that contribute to it–have identified several key areas of life that seem to be more related to personal happiness. While it’s not an absolute given that dissatisfaction on one or three areas of life will lead to personal unhappiness or that satisfaction in most areas will automatically lead to bliss, there is a correlation: if you’re more satisfied with these areas of your life, you tend to be happier in general. So what are the things in life that are correlated with personal happiness? Some of them are the things that you would expect: money, friends, health, living conditions; others are things you may not think of in your daily life, such as your neighborhood, spirituality, community involvement, and sense of meaning in life. (The role that these things play in your life can also impact your happiness, but there’s more on that later.)

For a full list of the areas of life that tend to bring happiness, see this article on finding authentic happiness; each item of the list is a link to more information and resources on the happiness-inducing lifestyle feature.

Lifestyle, however, is only part of the happiness equation. Your attitude about life and the things that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. Find out more about cultivating an attitude for happiness. Lastly, does your lifestyle make you happy?

Look at Your Attitude: Do Your Thoughts Make You Happy?

As mentioned in the earlier section, lifestyle features have a significant impact on personal happiness levels, but a significant piece of the equation is one’s attitude toward life. It’s probably no secret that optimists tend to be happier people, but you may not realize that there’s more to optimism than ‘putting on a happy face or ‘looking on the bright side’. There are specific traits of optimists, pleasantly distorted ways of thinking, that bring optimists more success, greater health, increased life satisfaction, and other goodies on a regular basis.

Cultivating the mind of an optimist can not only mean cultivating happiness, regardless of your circumstance, but it can actually bring more things into your life to be happy about.

In addition to optimism, happy people tend to have an internal locus of control; simply put, they tend to believe that they are the masters of their fate, rather than the victims of circumstance. When you view the stressors of your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up with more effective solutions and feel more exhilarated (rather than drained) as you tackle these circumstances.

Set The Right Goals for Happiness

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As previously mentioned, many people pursue goals that they expect will make them happy, but happiness isn’t always the end result. We all know people who have put everything they have into their careers—at the expense of their personal lives—only to wonder why they’re successful and still unhappy. It’s also all too common for people to be surrounded by a beautiful home, expensive cars, designer clothes (and sometimes mounds of debt) and still have less personal satisfaction with life than they had without all the “stuff”. How is one to know which goals will garner personal happiness and which won’t?

Another quick look at the list of factors that promote happiness shows that many things contribute to personal happiness; finding a balanced lifestyle so that you can include social support, personal development, physical health and meaningful pursuits in addition to career success and financial security (features that more often steal the focus) is much more likely to bring happiness than a lifestyle where only one or two of these facets receives the lion’s share of energy and resources, to the exclusion of other important lifestyle factors.

As you set your goals, remember all of the areas of life that are important to you. Map out a detailed description of how you would like your whole life to look. Use a pie chart to represent your life, and put the goals for different areas of your life into the different ‘pieces’. Or, set goals and develop healthy habits for a different area of your life each month. For ideas, see this article on healthy habits for a balanced lifestyle. And don’t forget the importance of knowing how to say no to too many activities in your life!

Work Toward Your Goals The Smart Way

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Whether setting goals as New Year’s Resolutions or as part of a quest for an improved life, many people sabotage themselves from the beginning by expecting too much and setting themselves up to fail. For example, many people expect themselves to immediate change their habits out of sheer willpower; any slip-ups are experienced as ‘failures’ and too often contribute to an abandonment of the goal and feelings of defeat.

If you’re trying to make positive changes in your life, it’s important to set yourself up to succeed:

First, set small, attainable goals. Work your way into a new habit with baby steps, and you’ll feel more successful every step of the way, and be less likely to give up.
Next, reward your progress; for each small goal you reach, allow yourself to feel pride, and perhaps give yourself a small reward.
Don’t forget to enlist social support! Tell the supportive people in your life what you’re attempting to achieve, and tell them of your successes. This will give you added strength, and will make it less appealing to give up (and have to explain yourself to those close to you)!

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

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Tip 1 – Understand that anxiety is not your fault

Why are we collectively dealing with so much anxiety?

Understanding the roots of your anxiety is essential and also realising that it is not your fault is the first step to moving away from its crippling effects on your life. Quite simply, you are programmed to survive and you, like us all, have a negative bias that keeps us alive and protects us from danger. This negative bias is, therefore, strong and for good reason; it is a fundamental part of our survival and must be maintained so that if we are confronted with a threat or trauma we have a strong resource of this energy to help us cope in times of genuine need.

Think of this as similar to having savings in the bank which can be used in the case of an emergency. However, this out of date system is constantly being triggered due to the pressures of modern life. Cortisol (the stress hormone) is persistently triggered and released leaving many of us living in a constant state of fight or flight. This has developed into a pattern of automatic response; we have developed the habit of anxiety.

TIP 2 – Understand your subconscious power

Your subconscious mind is very open and suggestible and you have a lot more control over it than you may imagine, in fact, you have complete authority over soothing anxiety and focusing on being calm and confident. Due to the highly impressionable nature of your subconscious, it is important to learn how to communicate with it. If you think your subconscious mind is like a small child and your conscious mind is the parent, everything that you say conditions a response of either fear or love depending on your thoughts, wouldn’t you choose to be kinder and calmer to the child? Becoming more positive is not about changing who you are, it is about accessing a part of you that is already there. It is about tapping into your higher self, best self or executive self – the part of you that is free and lives moment to moment. This is the power of programming your subconscious to focus on love rather than fear which is what drives anxiety.

TIP 3 – Discover a positive self-concept

The way you speak about your life (in your own mind and out loud to others) is essentially a way of creating your own story, both to yourself and to other people. The words that you use to describe yourself, your family, where you live and the work that you do are important. These words form the framework of how you feel about yourself and the life that you have created. How you describe yourself, how you describe your family, your home and your work. This is the story you tell yourself and has a huge impact on your daily life. YOU are telling the story to yourself. Make it a good one!

How to apply a positive self-concept in everyday life – First thing in the morning and last thing at night visualise yourself going through each day the way you wish to think, feel and behave. As humans, we are unique in our ability to imagine. When you close your eyes and imagine something, your body will respond to the images in your mind as if the event were really happening. Each day acknowledge what was good about the day and make a point of telling your family and friends about the good or funny things that happened. The mind forms memories through experiences so it is useful to acknowledge positive events and to build on these.

TIP 4 – Learn to love and parent yourself

Becoming an adult is essentially about shifting the power and responsibility from your parents to yourself. It is about letting go of any real or perceived hurt and pain from the past and realising that to feel safe, secure and loved you must cultivate these feelings from within. The full realisation that you are responsible for yourself is a fundamental step for mental well-being. You have everything you need within yourself, you are complete and whole. Feeling you are worthy of care and love and providing that for yourself is liberation. The most important relationship that you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

Stop the habit of negative thinking – Negative thinking is a habit and habits must be broken when dealing with anxiety. Negative self-talk (the inner critic) is often a habit of which we are not even aware. By watching your thoughts you can begin to learn a lot about how your mind operates and the effect your thoughts have on your feelings and ultimately how you behave. When you tell yourself that you have no energy, or that you are fed up, stressed and frustrated then that is what you will feel. Does this sound familiar?

Top love tip – Have a photograph of yourself as a child somewhere you can see it every day. Each time you see it remember that your inner child is still within you. Always choose to speak to yourself with compassion and understanding, as you would speak to a child that needed your help.

TIP 5 – Start caring for yourself

The habit of practical self-care is essential to implement when dealing with anxiety. Your body responds well to having its needs met and soon recognises the rewards of a healthy self-care habit. After a period the body craves what the body gets. For example, if your body is regularly exercised it will begin to automatically expect this and feels deprived if it doesn’t get it.

If you have ever had a pet, let alone a child, then you will know how much care and attention is needed to look after them. There is an episode of The Simpsons where Homer is surprised his dog is so angry. ‘Hey, why is the dog so angry?’ Homer asks, and Bart replies, ‘You never feed him, take him for a walk, or let him go out to pee.’ We wouldn‘t expect our children to wake after a restless four or five hours sleep, forget to feed them breakfast and send them off to school in the morning in the hope that they have time to grab a quick snack at lunch if they have time to stop their school work. Yet many of us treat ourselves in this manner and wonder why we feel worn out, exhausted and struggle to think clearly. It is important to emphasise the necessity of choosing and establishing a self-care programme that works for you. The words to note here are ‘self’ and ‘care’. When you care for yourself you love yourself and have a healthy respect for serving your own needs. With this comes a deep sense of love and compassion.

Top care tip – Your body always knows what it needs and when you slow down the mind we can hear the message it is giving you. Listen actively to the signals from your body each day and develop an open relationship between your body and mind, so that both may flourish.

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How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

After four penalty kicks each, Chile and Brazil was tied at 2-2.

Neymar, poster boy for the 2014 World Cup, started his lonely walk towards the penalty spot from the center of the field. He was taking the fifth penalty for Brazil and was likely deciding whether his team, the home nation, would progress to the next round. With the world watching his every move, he approached the ball, shuffled his feet, and calmly slotted the ball into the net like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Subsequently, Gonzalo Jara stepped up to take Chile’s fifth penalty. He knew that if he missed, his team were out. He hit the post. Chile was out, Brazil progressed.

One highly pressured situation, two very different outcomes. The fact is, when under pressure many people find that they are not able to produce their best performance. It is a very common experience, and failure — when the occasion matters most — is a very unpleasant experience.

I am always fascinated to watch how a guy handles a pressure situation. Some players become animated, some train extra hard, some withdraw — but the true greats keep their self-belief, trust themselves and continue to work away, knowing that if the foundations have been established, good form will come. — Australian cricketer Steve Waugh

But pressure doesn’t just occur in sport. It is part of life. In the business world, the ability to deal with pressure and perform when it matters most is a vital ingredient to an individual’s (and a company’s) short- and long-term success.

Have you ever had to present in front a group of people, scrutinizing every word, expecting the best, ready to bask in your failure? Have you ever been in a high-stakes negotiation, against people ready to pick you apart, waiting to pose that killer question? Have you ever been given a ridiculously short deadline for a ridiculously difficult and important piece of work? If so, you know what pressure is, and what it can do to you.

Sport psychology can help illuminate and inform performance in the business world. Under pressure, how do athletes make sure they get the performance they want? How do they stack the odds in their favor when faced with intense stress?

Sport psychology is a rapidly growing discipline in which scientific and well-documented psychological principles are used to help athletes, coaches and anybody else involved in sport to “be the best that they can be” when it really counts. It is not necessarily about outcomes such as “winning gold,” it is about putting in the very best performances when needed and letting the score (or outcome) take care of itself.

Because athletes often have to function under extreme pressure, and often in fronts of lots of people, sport psychologists have learned a great deal about how the human ability to thrive — when the going gets tough — can be developed and nurtured.

Tip the balance. The secret to performing under pressure is being able to get the body and the mind into an effective state for performance. In our book, What Business Can Learn From Sport Psychology: Ten Lessons for Peak Professional Performance, we refer to this effective state as a “Challenge State.”

Research tells us that a challenge state is related to a number of positive thoughts and emotions. A challenge state enhances performance across a range of activities. Physically, your body reacts in an efficient manner, your blood vessels dilate and your heart shunts more blood to your brain and muscles so that you can think and act in the desired way. Importantly, you can get into this highly beneficial performance state by following a very simple principle: tip the balance.

When faced with pressure, you rapidly assess the demands of the situation, and weigh them against your personal resources. If you have sufficient resources, you get a challenge state — happy days! If you have insufficient resources, meaning the demands outweigh your resources, you get a “threat state” — not good.

Physically, a threat state means that your body is reacting in a distressed manner; your blood vessels constrict and your heart shunts less blood to your brain and muscles. This reaction reduces performance, and is associated with negative and unhelpful thoughts and emotions. Your performance suffers.

So being able to tip the balance is about increasing your personal resources to face demands. The key resources are self-confidence (your belief in your ability to succeed), perceived control (how much of your performance is under your control), and approach focus (whether you aim to do your best, or avoid doing your worst).

People who are able to get into a challenge state when under pressure show high levels of self-confidence, perceive their performance to be within their control, and focus on what they can achieve rather than what they could lose if they messed up. Most importantly, they are able to harness mental skills such as visualization, pre-performance routines and goal setting to increase their resources whenever they wish to.

I started my automatic default mechanism of visualizing myself running the race … I would hear the gun go off in my head, and start going through my paces. Then I’d visualize the whole thing again … I focused on running the perfect race in my head. — Track athlete Michael Johnson

Be challenged. For your next presentation, interview or pitch, tip the balance in your favor by visualizing past and future success (to increase self-confidence), develop consistent pre-performance routines (to increase perceived control), and make sure your goals are set towards success, and not about avoiding failure. These are all learnable techniques embraced by many of the finest sports and business people on the planet. Use them and become the best entrepreneur you can become!

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. — Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor from 161-180

Many celebrities can find it difficult to deal with their fans. Here are some suggestions on how celebrities can manage the stresses and anxieties of making your fans happy.

The most important thing to do is to know where you stand on a certain issue. Ask yourself if you are willing to do something that your fans want you do. Think about it and determine for yourself where you stand on a certain task or issue. Ask yourself if it is the right thing to do and if it is legal. Determine what you want to do.

Once you know where you stand, you need to communicate this to your fans and other people your intentions. Explain to them that you do not want to do what it is they are asking for you to do. Give them reasons on why you feel this way. Be willing to answer their questions so they understand where you are coming from.

Be firm in your decision and show confidence. Some of your fans will continue to argue with you and this is where you need to show that you mean business. Do not give in to their arguments. Do what is right and stand with your decision. This can be tough but remind them that you do not feel comfortable in doing a certain task.

Be happy with who you are. You do not need to impress members of the media and your fans to have a good time or to have friends. Find people who will accept you for who you are. It is better to be alone than to be with people who pretend to like you.

Doing what is best for you will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. It is better to play it safe than to be sorry.

There will always be people who will disagree with you. A celebrity needs to understand that they need to live their own life instead of trying to please everybody.

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Recently, as a friend recounted a date, she mentioned that her male caller was getting a lot of pressure from his friends to hurry up and settle down. They wanted him to find a nice woman and get going on the path to marriage, babies, and a mortgage—as his friends, presumably, already were doing. Her description of this detail gave me pause. Admittedly, I have never given a moment’s thought to the subject of the pressure men receive to partner up and settle down.

As a woman living in a culture that, by and large, is still comfortable using terms like ‘bachelor’ for older, unmarried men, and ‘spinster’ for older, unmarried women, I suppose I assumed that American men have more freedom and social acceptance around when (and if) they settle down. But considering how much time my female friends and I spend over bottles of wine bemoaning the social pressure we feel, it seemed a matter worth exploring.

Determined to discover whether my friend’s anecdote was a fluke or a trend, we asked seven men about their own experiences dealing with friends’, family’s, and the world at large’s opinions about them finding the mythical one.

If I meet an elderly woman, I expect her to say something like, ‘So you’re a lady killer, right?’

It’s Hard to Level-Set on Expectations

“Personally, I’ve felt explicit pressure from girlfriends to get married, even though I openly acknowledge that such plans are not on my horizon, and that I’m not the right person to be dating if they need a firm commitment to marriage within the next five years or so. This isn’t to say that I’m against commitment—rather, that I have career and personal goals that are a higher priority at this stage in my life. The trouble is, even though it might seem as if a mutual understanding has been reached, the issue seems to resurface repeatedly, at which point it’s simply destructive to the relationship. Interestingly, I’ve felt the most marriage pressure when things outside the relationship weren’t going well. For instance, a former girlfriend was having a tough time at work or with family, and it seemed like she began to think of marriage as kind of a silver bullet to making at least one thing in life ‘right.’

As for general sexual potency, this isn’t about pressure to settle down per se, but rather, to be ‘in the game,’ so to speak. For example, if I meet an elderly woman, I can almost always expect them to say something like, ‘So you’re a lady killer, right?’ or, ‘The girls must love you!’ It’s weird and uncomfortable—like they’re inferring that you’re a straight man dating around, but it also has a weird sexual connotation. Same thing with middle-aged men: Although they may straight-up say something inappropriate like, ‘Fuck those ladies good.’” — Mike, 30

Pressure Amps Up as Others Pair Off

“I’ve experienced pressure to settle from both social and familial circles. From social circles it has been more implicit and a result of my peers and friends partnering up and the change in lifestyle that comes with that—i.e. less going out, fewer ‘singles activities’ and more ‘partner activities’ like double dates and small dinner parties. From family, that pressure is more explicit, but communicated through playful jokes. Rarely have I received a hard explicit pressure to partner up. The pressure seems to have increased as I’ve gotten older and language has moved from ‘ partnering up’ to ‘marriage.’ “— Steve, 31

There’s a false perception that a married man equals a mature man.

MORE: 9 Surprising Things That Can Keep Your Relationship Healthy

People Expect Full Disclosure on Your Relationship Status

“I’ve never felt pressured to settle down, but I’m only in my early 20s, so perhaps that’s on its way. I have experienced a lot more pressure to talk about romantic partners in general, though. Because I tend to share different things about myself with the various social circles, people probably think I’m either a prude or unconfident if I don’t tell them about who I might be seeing. In a way, this is its own kind of pressure—not to settle down with someone, but to at least start being vocal about it like everyone else.” — Bailey, 22

Social Media Just Makes Things Worse

“The biological clock thing isn’t a factor for men, but I think there is a perception that a married man equals a mature man, and one that is taken more seriously in a professional setting. It’s almost like an item in your career advancing checklist. I feel that more on the East Coast than I did living in San Francisco. I think I feel the pressure more thanks to social media, and the constant posts showing people coupling off, getting married, and having kids! When did my Facebook become a baby feed? And of course, I also receive pressure from my mom, which I think is more of a cultural thing. She wants me to find a ‘nice girl.’ Hey, so do I!” — Vlad, 30

The most pressure I feel to partner up is from myself—but that primarily stems from a desire to have a bigger apartment.

MORE: 9 Ways to Handle Dating a Commitment-Phobe

Gay Men Feel Less Pressure Than Straight Ones

“As a young gay man in New York City, I’ve felt no pressure from friends or colleagues to settle down. I’m sure there’s a difference between straight and gay men, as gay men have virtually no timeline with regard to having children, and many gay men don’t want children anyway. I think much of the pressure on men to settle down is rooted in the idea that they need to create a family, which most people don’t want to do, the older they get. Furthermore, I’ve found that many gay men are very comfortable remaining single well into their 40s and 50s, which means there’s little to no generational pressure.

If you consider the fact that, from an evolutionary standpoint, there’s a biological case for why men have trouble settling down, it’s easy to see why trying to create a long-term monogamous relationship between two men can be very difficult. The most pressure I’ve received is from my parents, but even then, they rarely ask, and when they do, it’s only out of concern for my well-being. I think the most pressure I receive to partner up is from myself—but that primarily stems from a desire to have a bigger apartment, and someone taller to help change lightbulbs.” — Will, 27

Tuning Out the Noise Helps Lower the Pressure

“ I feel pressure to settle down all the time, but not from any single person or thing. It’s more that I’ve been conditioned by my upbringing and social media—so many goddamned couples and babies—to think and feel that partnering up, getting married, and having a family is the ‘appropriate’ thing for someone my age to do. And it’s not like I don’t want those things, because I really do. But I also need to remember that there’s nothing wrong with me for not having them, either. The trick is to tune all this shit out and focus on being the best version of myself and then, hopefully, by putting out the right energy, I’ll attract someone who wants the same commitment I do.” — Scott, 34

Listen on Apple Podcasts

I’m Rebecca Smith, your podcast host, and High Performance Coach. I’m Director of Complete Performance Coaching and founder of The #PerformHappy Community.

Maybe you’re a gymnast with a fear of going backwards. A swimmer who can’t seem to go any faster. Or a parent who is clueless about how to help your child succeed. You might be stepping up to tougher competition and looking to raise your game.

Whether you’re struggling with a mental block, or you just had the best season of your life, this podcast is for you.

Kids need resources to deal with the pressure of competition, but they don’t necessarily want it to be their coach or parents.

I teach parents, coaches, and adolescent/teen athletes of all abilities how to achieve their personal best. These are the tips and mental toughness strategies that my clients tell me help them most.

I also provide insights for parents and coaches who want to support their kids and their teams.

Performing well is a blend of hard work, skill and mental toughness. I’ll teach you how to use all 3 to be the best athlete you can, and have FUN competing in your sport.

Mental skills translate to all areas of your life. When kids learn skills to cope with stress & emotion in a sport context, they become better prepared to thrive in school and beyond.

Join me each week as I help people reach peak performance and maximum enjoyment.

Excessive spending in pursuit of the “perfect” holiday can be a source of stress.

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Sales and bargains can be exciting, as Black Friday and other online holiday sales kick off the holiday shopping season. Finding the right gift for your friends or loved ones may be exciting. However, shoppers need to be cautious—excessive spending in pursuit of the “perfect” holiday can be a source of more stress. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the need to find the right gift for everyone on your list, here are some tips:

Keep a holiday “to-do” list. Worried that you’ll forget to buy a gift for someone or pick up that important ingredient for your holiday meal? Clear your head by putting those thoughts on paper (or in an electronic list), marking those with the highest priority. Not only will you reduce the risk of forgetting something, you’ll be better able to focus.

Set realistic expectations. It’s healthy to share in the holiday spirit by giving gifts, donating time and money to charities and celebrating with family, friends and coworkers. But it’s also important not to get overwhelmed by the pressure to make this year’s holidays the best ever. Set realistic expectations for gifts and holiday activities. Instead of trying to take on everything, identify the most important holiday tasks and take small, concrete steps to accomplish them.

Know yourself. Be aware of what causes you stress during the holidays. People experience stress in different ways and may have a hard time concentrating or making decisions, feel angry, irritable or out of control or experience headaches, muscle tension or a lack of energy. Learn your own stress signals.

Recognize how you deal with stress. With holiday parties and celebrations, it’s easy to overindulge. Do you engage in unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, drinking or eating poorly to cope with your stress? Do you lose patience with your children, spouse or coworkers when you feel overwhelmed? Understand how you respond in stressful situations.

Take care of yourself. Eat right, get enough sleep, drink plenty of water and engage in regular physical activity. It may seem a challenge with so much to do this time of year, but taking care of yourself during the holidays helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with stress. No matter how hectic life gets, make time for yourself—even if it’s just reading a good book, listening to your favorite music or taking a short walk.

Ask for support. Accepting help from supportive friends and family can improve your ability to manage stress. Use the holidays to reconnect with friends and family and strengthen your support network. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, you may want to talk to a psychologist, who can help you better manage stress and change unhealthy behaviors.

Depression is a disorder that is evidenced by excessive sadness, loss of interest in enjoyable things, and low motivation.

It is normal to experience feelings of sadness and despair in response to adverse life events. Such events could include loss, major life changes, stress, or disappointment. In most cases, the sad feelings resolve as you come to terms with the changes in your life. In situations such as bereavement, these feelings may persist for months and return at significant times, such as birthdays and anniversaries related to the lost loved one. Provided you have times when you can enjoy things, however, this sadness is not a sign of depression.

Depression is common. One in three people will experience a major depressive episode at some stage in their lives. While most cases of depression are mild, about one person in ten will have a moderate or severe episode.

Boost Your Motivation

What Are The Signs Of Depression?

The features of depression include:

Psychological Symptoms:

Feeling miserable. This misery is present for much of the day but may vary in its intensity. The misery lasts for weeks.

Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities.

Slowed or inefficient thinking with poor concentration, leading to difficulties sorting out problems or making plans or decisions.

Recurring unpleasant thoughts, particularly about being guilty, being a bad and unworthy person,

Thoughts that you would be better off dead or of harming yourself in some way.

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Physical Symptoms:

Loss of appetite with excessive loss of weight.

Loss of interest in sex.

Loss of energy, even when not physically active.

Loss of sleep despite feeling exhausted. Sleep is typically restless and unsatisfying with early morning wakening (one to two hours earlier than usual). Some people, however, may actually sleep a lot more than usual.

Slowed activity and speech.

Any of these features may serve as warning signs of depression. You need to exhibit at least five of these symptoms to be suffering with a depressive disorder.

What Causes Depression?

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

No one knows exactly what causes depression. It is clear that genetic factors are important in many cases of depression. Depression seems to run in families (as do other mood disorders), and about 30% of the predisposition for depression is due to genetic influences.

Stressful life events play a part in the onset or relapse of depression. Ongoing conflicts with others can take their toll on our well-being, as can other social and environmental stressors such as financial difficulties, retirement, unemployment, childbirth, loneliness, or loss of someone or something important. In vulnerable people, these unpleasant life events may be enough to cause or worsen a depressive illness.

A person’s personality characteristics are an important factor. When people are depressed, they usually have a very negative view of themselves and the world. They do not appreciate good things, and bad things seem overwhelming. Some people have a tendency to view things this way even when they are not depressed. In other words, they may have a depressive personality style.

Another possible cause of depression that should not be overlooked is physical illness or medications. Glandular fever, influenza, hepatitis, thyroid hormones, anaemia, diabetes, birth control pills, alcohol and other substances of abuse, or other medications such as those for heart or blood pressure conditions, may all cause symptoms of depression.

How To Deal With Depression

There are a range of ways to deal with depression, and often they are best used in conjunction with each other. The primary medical options are Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), antidepressant medication, and in some severe cases, Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT). Education and coping strategies are also important when learning to manage your depression.

How to Deal with the Pressure to Be Happy

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT is an excellent treatment for depression, alone or in conjunction with medication. CBT involves learning:

to control the negative thoughts that lead to loss of interest and feelings of worthlessness;

to combat the emotions of sadness and hopelessness, and;

Loss of energy, even when not physically active.

to counteract the behaviours related to poor concentration and thoughts of death

Techniques for problem solving are also taught whether the problem is a consequence or cause of the depression. CBT is very effective and 80% of people with mild, moderate or severe depression improve.

How to deal with the pressure to be happy

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1. Focus on the fundamentals.

2. Redefine the value of pressure.

3. (Re)Affirm yourself.

4. Reframe the task as temporary.

Everyone feels parental pressure from time to time, but there comes a point when it becomes toxic and detrimental.

1. Lack of self-motivation

2. Failure feels like the end of the world

3. Too good to be true

How to deal with too much parental pressure

As a child

As an adult

This can help if:

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What can I do now?

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There is Hope!

Pray with me:

Better in-the-moment responses towards difficult family members.

Play With Time

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Take Mindful Breaks

Embrace Decisions

Introduction: How to Be Happy

Look At Your Life: Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?

Look at Your Attitude: Do Your Thoughts Make You Happy?

Set The Right Goals for Happiness

Work Toward Your Goals The Smart Way

Tip 1 – Understand that anxiety is not your fault

TIP 2 – Understand your subconscious power

TIP 3 – Discover a positive self-concept

TIP 4 – Learn to love and parent yourself

TIP 5 – Start caring for yourself

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What Are The Signs Of Depression?

The features of depression include:

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How To Deal With Depression

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

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